Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Marriage Requires Teamwork!

Volume 9, Issue 19 Friday, May 11, 2007

Hello All,

We visited with Brother Pat Antoon last Saturday. Mandy guided us to make the trip easy. Of course, her ideal motel was a little smaller than we are used to, but it was comfortable and cozy.
We flew into El Paso on Friday, a soldier on the plane recommended a good Mexican place to eat supper and it was fantastic. Of course, we were the only people there who spoke English. But the food was great even if we didn’t know what we were ordering.
It’s been over 40 years since I’ve been to El Paso (Mr. Luck took us through there on our way to Disney Land) and truthfully, I didn’t recognize anything. The desert is beautiful in its on way but I like trees and grass.
We stayed in the Micro Tel. Heavy on the Micro. Our room was about the size of the closet in our home. But it was clean and comfortable and the breakfast was good. Being in a small room was OK, we just cozied up and enjoyed it. One feature was new to us, a motion detector on the room thermostat. Whenever we felt warm, one of us would wave an arm or leg and the A/C would kick on.
Saturday morning, we were at the prison by 8 am, waiting in line with others there to see loved ones. LaTuna is located at the far west corner of Texas. Standing at the prison door, you’re a half mile from New Mexico to the north and west. The local is high dessert. The maximum security prison he was first in lies south of the LaTuna camp. It’s an imposing, Alcatraz looking facility. Eventually, they transferred him to a military prison at Fort Bliss and then to the La Tuna Camp where he is now.
Federal Prison rules required us to take nothing into the visiting area except our driver’s license (for I.D. and $20 in cash to buy lunch and snacks. Annette is used to this, since she ministers in prison each month. Once in the room, we waited to see Brother Pat. It was bittersweet seeing Pat. He’s still thin and now limps a little. He explained that his back has been bothering him but there is no simple treatment available and the prison doctor only gives him Advil.
He was in good spirits and spent most of the day cheering us up. Pat hasn’t decided what his plans are when he’s released. He’s working on short term goals, teaching his GED classes and enduring the boredom of captivity.
He introduced us to one of the other prisoners who had been saved in April. Pat isn’t allowed to hold bible studies but he is allowed to share Christ with fellow inmates on a one on one basis. Pat hopes to be transferred to the federal prison in Texarkana. The judge has recommended same but it’s up to the federal bureau of prisons to decide whether to do that.
His being locked up so far from home is another way of punishing him. What a waste. Here’s a good man and a great doctor who is not allowed to use his skills for the benefit of anyone. Instead, we taxpayers are paying to house him for years when we need him to be treating sick people.
If they wanted to punish him and not us, why not require him to perform community medical service. (Of course, that’s what he often did in his former life. I’ve heard countless stories from people who Dr. Pat treated and never charged.)
Anyway, our visit was refreshing and we were very glad to see him. Pat, for his part, shared his heart and sought to ease our concerns. He’s looking to God to use this time to improve him and prepare him for further service. All too soon, visiting hours were over. Annette and I walked through the door, with heavy hearts that Pat couldn’t go with us.
~~~~~
Roberta Christine McClellan graduated from Southern Arkansas University with a Bachelor of Science degree in Education tonight.
~~~~~
Speaking of Teachers . . . After being interviewed by the school administration, the teaching prospect said, "Let me see if I've got this right:

"You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning. "You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self-esteem and personal pride.

"You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job. "You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the state exams.

"You want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card and You want me to do all this with a big smile.

"You want me to do all this: and then you tell me... " I CAN'T PRAY?"

Thanks to Waneta
~~~~~
Greetings from the War:

A new dispatch called Rattlesnake is posted [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/rattlesnake.htm]. It has a video clip in addition to photos taken with night vision optics while out with British combat soldiers.
Also, an interesting email exchange between retired 4-Star General Barry McCaffrey and former Rumsfeld press aide Larry DiRita is posted [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/the-fog-of-email.htm].
Desires of the Human Heart Part II is posted [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/desires-of-the-human-heart-part-ii.htm].
This site remains 100% reader-funded. Your patronage is greatly appreciated, and absolutely critical to continued reporting from the war.
V/r,
Michael Yon
Baghdad
~~~~~
Today's Tokyo Roses

A recent movie, "Flags of our Fathers," pointed out the radio broadcast of "Tokyo Rose." She had the best music on her station.
During World War II, the Japanese used a message that their psychological warfare experts developed as a way to demoralize the American forces. They gave the script to their famous broadcaster "Tokyo Rose," and every day she would broadcast this same message packaged in different ways. The Japanese hoped it would have a negative impact on American GI's morale.

What was that demoralizing message? It had three main points:

1. Your President is lying to you.
2. This war is illegal.
3. You cannot win the war.

Does this sound familiar today? It is because we are being bombarded by Tokyo Hillary, Tokyo Harry, Tokyo Teddy, Tokyo Nancy, Tokyo Murtha, etc.,and they have picked up the same message and are broadcasting it on Tokyo CNN, Tokyo ABC, Tokyo CBS, Tokyo NBC, etc., to our troops. The only difference is that they claim to support our troops before they demoralize them. Come to think of it, Tokyo Rose told the troops she was on their side, too.
~~~~~
See If You Can Figure Out What These Words Have In Common......

Banana
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
Assess

Answer: In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then
spell the word backwards, it will be the same word.
~~~~~
THE YEAR 1907
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some of the U.S. Statistics for the Year 1907:
************************************

The average life expectancy in the U.S. Was 47 years old
Only 14 percent of the homes in the U.S. Had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City Cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more Heavily populated than California.
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st Most populous state in the Union.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage in the U.S. Was 22 Cents per hour.
The average U.S. Worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
A dentist made $2,500 per year,
A veterinarian $1,500 per year,
And a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. Took place at HOME.
Ninety percent of all U.S. Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION! Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which Were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from Entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death in the U.S. Were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea Hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. Adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over The counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists Said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, Regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian Of health."
There were about 230 reported Murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A . !

Just Try to imagine.....
What it may be like ....
In another 100 years !!!!!!!
IT STAGGERS THE MIND !!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
~~~~~
Back over Deaths Create Family Nightmares

Jun 23 02:42 PM US/Eastern
By MICHAEL GRACZYK
Associated Press Writer

More than 1,200 children under 15 were killed since 2000 in nontraffic motor vehicle accidents in the United States. Half of those fatalities were in back overs, almost all of them involving children under 5, according to Kids and Cars, a child safety advocacy group in Leawood, Kan.

Each week, at least two children are killed and another 50 are hurt in back over accidents. Over three days in April, six children were killed; by the end of the month, 11 more died, the group said.

Rear cameras and audible warning sensors, technology that could reduce the number of fatalities, are not considered safety equipment by automakers and are offered only as optional parking aids in most vehicles. It could be years before they become as ubiquitous as seat belts.

"Everybody says the worst thing that could ever happen is the death of a child," says Janette Fennell, the advocacy group's founder and president. "What's different in these, in over 70 percent of the cases, it's a direct relative of the child that's behind the wheel—mom or dad, grandma or grandpa, aunt or uncle."

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, in a report to Congress in November, said back over accidents are not a recent phenomenon. But NHTSA disputes perceptions that the number of accidents is increasing as the size of the nation's vehicle fleet grows—led by SUVs and minivans, which tend to have larger rear blind zones.

A study by Consumer Reports magazine suggests SUVs, pickups and minivans are longer and taller and their blind zones extend as much as 50 feet from the rear bumper. These factors contribute to poor visibility, the report says.

And while NHTSA cites groups like Kids and Cars for raising awareness of back over fatalities, it concedes that any statistics collected "very likely underestimate the true extent of the back over crash problem."

What's clear is that from 1991 through 2004, federal figures show an average of 76 back over fatalities annually on public roads, almost three-fourths of them involving passenger cars, pickups and SUVs. The report said most of the dead were children under 5.

Fennell's database shows back overs claimed the lives of 104 children under 15 in 2005 and again in 2006.

Devices like audible warning sensors or rear cameras are standard in some luxury brands and only about 100 vehicle models. Warning sensors can add $100 to a vehicle's price, a camera system about $300—still cheaper than aftermarket cameras and sensors, which range from $150 to over $1,000.

"Our government, and rightfully so, has put a lot of focus on belts and air bags, and if you do all those right things and are unfortunate to get in a crash, you might be able to walk away," Fennell says. "But they've totally ignored the fact that at 1 mph, the interaction of a child and vehicle is lethal."

Supporters of Kids and Cars are prodding the government, in Cameron's name, to require automakers to expand the field of view for drivers and create a database to track back over accidents. If the Cameron Gulbransen Child Auto Safety Act is approved by Congress, the Department of Transportation would draw up rules and car makers would have up to four years to comply.

"Safety really is our priority," said Wade Newton, a spokesman for the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers, an industry trade group that represents nine top automakers. But any safety device is of little value without parental supervision, he said.
~~~~~
MapQuest Gas Prices, Pretty Cool http://gasprices.mapquest.com
~~~~~
If you’d like to write Dr. Antoon, he’d like to hear from you. This is his current address, the latest of the three federal prisons’ he’s been in.
Patrick Antoon #06669-010
Federal Prison Camp-La Tuna
P. O. Box 8000
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this weeks “Bleat” include The LaTuna Prison, Moonset over the dessert, one of the airliners that took us to El Paso.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Oven Roasted Maple Gorp Recipe courtesy Rachael Ray
Show: 30 Minute Meals - Episode: Take a Hike


3/4 cup maple syrup
1 cinnamon stick
1 vanilla bean, split
1 cup oats
1 cup peeled hazelnuts
2 cups whole natural almonds
½ cup golden raisins, a couple of handfuls
½ cup dried sweetened cranberries, (recommended: Craisins brand) a couple of handfuls
½ cup shelled pumpkin seeds or sunflower seeds
1 cup chocolate and candy coated peanuts (recommended: Peanut M&Ms)


Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Place maple syrup on the stove with cinnamon and vanilla over medium low heat to infuse the flavor. Warm syrup a couple of minutes, remove.

Combine oats, hazelnuts, almonds, raisins, cranberries and seeds in a bowl. Toss with maple syrup and remove the cinnamon stick and vanilla bean. Spread the maple coated mixture out on a cookie sheet and roast 15 minutes. Remove the nuts from oven and transfer to another cold pan, tossing the mix to quick-cool it. Once cool, toss with peanut candy and eat or pack up for a hike!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,,FOOD_9936_31422,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Music for Pogroms?
5/11/2007
Handel's Messiah and Anti-Semitism

A colleague of mine owns at least eight complete recordings of Handel’s Messiah. His collection includes “historically accurate” performances and more modern ones.

His collection reflects the many little changes that Handel made to the score over the years. For instance, the latest addition is the 1751 London version, which uses an all-male choir instead of mixed one.

Obviously, my colleague loves this music and has experienced many emotions while listening. But one emotion he hasn’t experienced is anti-Semitism, which is what he should have felt, at least according to a recent New York Times article written by Michael Marissen.

That article describes what the Times calls “the unsettling history” of Handel’s sacred oratorio. According to Marissen, Messiah’s libretto, written by Charles Jennen, was a thinly disguised anti-Semitic tract.

As “evidence” of his nefarious motives, Marissen relies on Jennen’s ownership of a 1690 anti-Deist book written by Richard Kidder, an Anglican bishop—a book some considered anti-Semitic. Kidder’s goal, of course, was to prove that Jesus was the Messiah, something Deists denied.

Central to his case was the use of Old Testament texts that anticipate Christ: what’s sometimes called “typology.” According to Marissen, Kidder’s use of typology “reads like a blueprint for Messiah.”

Given what Marissen says was the typical attitude of British Christians toward Jews in Handel’s time, beloved arias and choruses take on a sinister quality.

Thus, the “Hallelujah” chorus isn’t a celebration of Jesus’ triumph over sin and death. Instead, it’s a celebration of “the destruction of Jerusalem and the Second Temple in A.D. 70.” They would have seen Jennen’s use of Revelation 11 as referring to God’s punishing the Jewish people for rejecting Christ.

This is, as one Handel expert wrote in a letter to the Times, “a preposterous leap.” But it gets worse when you consider that Jennen is never quoted in the Times article. His and Handel’s opus is tarred as “anti-Semitic” on the basis of when Jennen lived and his having owned a particular book.

Now, it’s true that the book expresses what could be reasonably called anti-Semitic (and ridiculous) ideas, like calling Deists the “workmen” of Jews. And it would be wrong to deny that Christians have treated Jews shamefully at times. They have. But there’s no evidence that Jennen shared these ideas, much less that they were the inspiration for Messiah.

But even without such evidence, Jennen and his contemporaries, according to the Times, are suspect because, like today’s Christians, they believed that Christianity is the fulfillment of Judaism.

This claim, with its scandalous particularity suggesting the unique relationship of Christianity and the Jews, is especially offensive to modern sensibilities—when truth claims are considered dangerously intolerant.

Marissen acknowledges that modern people don’t hear Messiah the way he does. Their reaction, if anything, is closer to that of Franz Josef Haydn’s. Upon hearing the “Hallelujah” chorus for the first time, Haydn, who, inconveniently for Marissen, lived in the eighteenth century, wept and declared, “He is the master of us all!”

In other words, the kind of thing you’re supposed to feel when listening to Handel’s masterpiece.

For Further Reading and Information

Michael Marissen, “Unsettling History of That Joyous 'Hallelujah',” New York Times, 24 April 2007.

James R. Oestreich, “Handel’s 'Hallelujah' chorus: A malice toward Judiasm?,” New York Times, 24 April 2007.

Roberto Rivera, “Re: Money Well Spent,” The Point, 15 March 2007.

Roberto Rivera, “Money Well Spent,” The Point, 15 March 2007.

Catherine Claire, “Beauty Takes Time,” The Point, 11 April 2007.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 070405, “The Passion of Bach: Music to Stir the Soul.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 061009, “So Easy a Caveman Can Do It: Music and the Human Soul.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:
sedition: incitement of rebellion against lawful authority.
jocular: given to or characterized by joking.
arriviste: an upstart.
errant: wandering; deviating from an appointed course, or from a direct path; roving.
tenet: any opinion, principle, or doctrine held to be true.
deign: to condescend.
clarion: a kind of trumpet; also, loud and clear.
from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone, but for all mankind." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"You may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all the time; but you can't fool all of the people all the time. - Abraham Lincoln

"If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me." - W. H. Auden

"Most of us love from our need to love, not because we find someone deserving." - Nikki Giovanni

"Just as the right to speak and the right to refrain from speaking are complementary components of a broader concept of individual freedom of mind, so also the individual's freedom to choose his own creed is the counterpart of his right to refrain from accepting the creed established by the majority." - John Paul Stevens

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist fears this is true." - James Branch Cabell

"The greatest cunning is to have none at all." - Carl Sandburg
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# ABC Decides to Reschedule Debate on Existence of God—Featuring Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort—for Larger Audience
# Suspensions are Reversed for Praying Students in Vancouver, Washington
# President Bush's Letters to House and Senate Leaders Concerning Laws that Endanger the Unborn: Don't Bother—"I will veto..."
# Popular Mexican Actor Makes Public Stand against "Holocaust" of Abortion

# New Billy Graham Library to Open with Former Presidents George Bush and Bill Clinton Taking Part in Dedication Ceremonies
# Spiderman 3 Opens with a Message of Forgiveness
# An Unlikely Partnership on Behalf of Children: Actress Angelina Jolie and Kay Warren Team Up to Help AIDS Orphans
# Remembering Military Moms this Mother's Day

# Newly Elected French President Sarkozy says, "Washington can count on our friendship"
# Prayer Alert: Tornadoes Wipe Small Kansas Town "off the map"
# Queen Elizabeth II Welcomed at the White House
# Ministry Leader Vonette Bright Shares Observations and Hopes for America's Future

# An Historic Day for Ireland
# Israeli Archaeologist Claims He May Have Found King Herod's Tomb
# Comfort and Cameron Present Scientific Proof for Existence of God in Debate to be Shown on ABC, Wednesday
# Parents in U.S. Overwhelmingly Back Abstinence Education Says Poll

# Another Homecoming for a Tiny Baby and another Testimony of God's Faithfulness
# After 21 Years, Pro-Lifers Vindicated of Racketeering
# Take Part in the Global Day of Prayer, May 27th, 2007
# New Zealand Pastor Attests to the Power of Prayer in His Church and the Effect Prayer has had in the Surrounding Community

# Tony Blair Hands in Resignation as British Prime Minister
# On Heels of Supreme Court's Decision to Uphold Partial Birth Abortion Ban, New Pro-abortion Legislation is Introduced Which Would Overturn Court's Ruling
# The Wrap-Up: Calvary Chapel's Big Tent comes Down
# Historic Prayer Gathering for Eritrean Christians in Nairobi

# German Home Schooled Teen Who Was Taken Forcibly from Her Family by Police—escaped, is Home and is Talking about this Government-sanctioned Persecution
# Christian Teen in UK Takes Purity Ring Case to High Court
# Gutsy Sophomore Braves Critics to Change Offensive Agenda in School
# American Couple in Paris "Blown Away" by French Crowds Singing "Oh, Happy Day! When Jesus Washed My Sins Away" After Presidential Election

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

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GCF: Marriage Requires Teamwork!

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Steve) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
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A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits, and a lot of questioning and listening, the counselor said that he had discovered the main problem.

He stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug. He looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!"

The man frowned, thought for a moment, and then said, "Ok, what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Doctor's Order

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
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Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?"

Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."

Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."

Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Tool Glossary

Emailed to me from another humor list (Humor_G) -Tom To subscribe to Humor_G, send a blank email to: Humor_G-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

DREMEL TOOL - A very useful tool for modelers which allows them to make more mistakes much faster, thereby turning $100 kits into spare parts, and completely justifying the purchase of another $100 kit.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your can drink across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent to the object we are trying to hit. Also used as replacement for screwdriver.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy-duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 inch socket you've been searching for the last 45 minutes.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "YEOWW!
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only cure for insomnia \ /
\ _/ is to get more sleep. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / 1. Circular Definition: \ \_/ ////
\ / see Definition, Circular. \ /
\ _/ 2. Definition, Circular: \_ /
/ / see Circular Definition. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Cats are smarter than dogs. \ /
\ _/ You can't get eight cats to \_ /
/ / pull a sled through snow. \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown down the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street a young man sees what has happened and rushes over to grab the hat and returns it to the rabbi.

"I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat," says the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God bless you."

The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, the horse comes in first.

In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1, so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also. Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his wife. When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he caught the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat in their names.

"So where's the money?" she asks.

"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named Chateau and it lost."

"You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some Japanese horse named Yarmulke."

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible: Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.

Little Rick was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was very nervous.

When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

Received from Mary Rayner.

(-:][:-)

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me, can you help me? I think I'm a moth."

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "Well, the light was on."

Received from pkaine.

(-:][:-)

A young mother was riding the bus with her four-year-old boy when he suddenly blurted out so that everyone in the bus could hear: "Look, Mom, see that man's nose? It looks soooo funny!"

The mother was quite embarrassed and scolded her son. Then she whispered to him that if he wanted to say something about someone, then he had to wait until they got home or at least where nobody could hear them, so that nobody would be sad.

A moment later, the boy blurted out in the same loud voice: "Look, Mom, we've got to talk about that big fat lady when we get home!"

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
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ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra…..

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing ‘My Delilah'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. What do you call a fish with only one eye? A fish. (say it out loud)

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

Thanks to Julie Morris
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Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada "

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan , Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infid el forever outside our precious state.

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall". The Genie explains , "Well, it's 200 feet high, 100 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries........ it's virtually impenetrable. Now what is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!

WORLD PEACE !!

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note: "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/squirrely.html - - A SQUIRRELY LESSON
Being a feminist, even a moderate feminist like me, can make it tough to dodge duties unsuited to the squeamish. In my case, squirrel removal.

Like most people, I prefer my squirrels outdoors. So I wasn't exactly pleased when a squirrel decided to invade my turf. One morning last winter, when I was barely awake and shuffling down our basement stairs, something with a bushy tail flashed past me, mere inches from my toes. So I ask you, what's a feminist to do? Yell hysterically? Scream for help? Well, ... yes. I also scrambled up the steps, slammed the door, and told myself the squirrel would find its own way out.

For the next few hours I wondered what my squirrel was up to. I even tried to talk myself into marching downstairs and facing him down. Or creeping downstairs and checking things out. Or opening the cellar door just a crack, peering down the steps, and shutting the door fast before the squirrel became suspicious.

What kind of feminist was I, I asked myself, as I paced a floor above the intruder. Surely Gloria Steinem would stand her ground against a tiny rodent. Thank goodness I wasn't famous enough to be a Rush Limbaugh target. "Femi-Nazi hypocritical wimp Madeleine Begun Kane is ascared of a wee little squirrel," he'd surely say if he knew I existed. "It takes a tough man to dispose of a tender squirrel."

I'm embarrassed to admit I remained safely upstairs and waited for my husband Mark to come home. But when he finally heard my tale of the bushy tail, he insisted it must have been a cat. All I had to do, said he, was go downstairs, walk several yards to the cellar's outer door, and let the feline out. So would he take care of it? No, he wasn't that sure it was a cat.

Did you know it's even harder to hire a squirrel-hunter, than to employ a plumber on a Saturday night? Nobody would take the job, although one fellow helpfully furnished some do-it-yourself advice. "Just leave your outside door open, sprinkle flour near the exit, and watch for paw prints."

We did as he suggested, although we suspected that more wildlife would wander in than out. Every morning for the next three days, Mark and I reluctantly braved the basement, hoping to spot paw prints facing the right direction. But our flour remained virginal.

One day, desperation for clean underwear overcame queasiness, and I gingerly approached the washer. Not quite gingerly enough, I'm afraid, for I promptly tripped over something furry and dead. Not only had the squirrel sneaked into our cellar, but he'd had the audacity to croak. Being a mature, adult feminist, I calmly disposed of the carcass, right? Well, ... not exactly. I screamed, bolted upstairs, and left the wretched, retch-inducing chore for my mate.

I didn't claim that it's a man's job, when I asked Mark to dispose of the corpse -- I'd never do that. Instead, I argued that I'd done my share. Had I not spotted the squirrel alive and tripped over it dead? Besides, the next time Mark wouldn't claim I'd seen a cat.

We negotiated one floor away from the decomposing corpse. Finally, Mark agreed to deal with it, but not before extracting my pledge to get rid of the next dead squirrel that crossed our path. It seemed a safe promise at the time.

What I didn't know then is that squirrels enjoy doing acrobatics on branches one-gazillionth their weight. And that several months later, a chunky, failed trapeze-artist squirrel would plummet to its death in our yard. And that Mark would say "Your turn," and escape to the sanctuary of his office. I'll admit it. As I faced that second squirrel, I yearned to beg Mark to make it go away. "Dead squirrel disposal is a man's job," I longed to say.

But this time, I knew where my responsibility lay -- on a broken, bloody pile. Yes, fifty/fifty means fifty/fifty ... even when you're talking dead squirrels. So I shoveled the rodent remains into a trash bag, hosed the yard down, and celebrated with a shower.

Only one task remained; a phone message to Mark -- one that was sure to make the rounds of his office. "It's safe to come home," I said. "I've disposed of the dead squirrel."

I never said feminists can't be braggarts.
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
May 10, 2007

With the coming vacation season and increase of people on the roads, I thought it would be a good time to remind people just how dangerous the roadways are.

Prepared by Bill Polk - Baton Rouge HS&E Employee

Driving is one of the most risky activities we do. It is more dangerous than owning a gun, living near a nuclear power plant, living under power lines and much more dangerous than flying.

Yet because we are familiar with it, we often forget just how dangerous it is.

Here are some tips on how to avoid an accident:

1. Drive defensively.
2. Always use the 2 second rule. Make sure you watch the road at least 2 seconds ahead of you. The faster you go the farther you need to look.
3. Try to avoid driving during or just after a rainstorm. The chances of being in an accident caused by inclement weather can increase several thousand percent depending on the ability of your fellow drivers to cope with the event. Seattle tops this list with the risk of an accident increasing nearly 300,000 percent when it is raining.
4. Avoid being distracted while driving. Cell phone usage, text messaging, makeup application and eating increase the risk of being in an accident several hundred percent.
5. Drive less. The chance of an accident is directly related to the number of miles driven. Carpooling and using mass transit are good ways to reduce the number of miles driven.
6. Try to avoid driving between the hours of midnight and 4A.M. The number of fatal crashes in an area increases dramatically during the first hour after the local bars close. Long distance drivers are most likely to fall asleep during these hours as well.
7. Make sure your wipers are clean and working properly.
8. Be more careful when driving cars you are not familiar with. While not a majority of cases, a large percentage of accidents occur when a driver is operating a vehicle other than their primary vehicle.

Here are ways to keep yourself safe in the event of an accident:

1. Wear your seat belt.
2. Make sure airbags are turned on, if driving a vehicle with this feature.
3. Do not get out of your vehicle after an accident. Your car continues to provide you protection even after an accident. If you must exit the car, move as far from traffic as you can.
4. Carry a first aid kit in the car. Especially important are items that could be used to compress a cut and assist in stopping bleeding.

And finally, remember that you are in control of only your car. You cannot avoid sharing the road with people who have never driven before, people who have slower reaction times and people who drive unsafe cars. The best you can do is to prepare for the inevitable.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
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May 10, 2007
Teens plus teens in a car equals disaster

Less is More - The Potential Catastrophe of Passengers
Other teens in the car is one of the greatest risks...
Friends lead to excitement, distractions and peer pressure
Fatal crashes with teen drivers are more likely to involve passengers
Teens are less likely to wear seat belts when driving with other teens
Parent's Tip: Teens plus teens in a car equals disaster. Just say "no" to passengers for the first year.

Source: National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
Shocking Stats: Teens are involved in three times as many fatal crashes as other drivers.
65% of all teen passenger deaths occur when another teen is driving.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
May 9, 2007

Today's Message is from Bill Flanagan (a Houston Albemarle employee).
........................................................................................................................................................
With the coming of warm weather, so comes a return of barbecue season. A few moments invested in safety now can pay big dividends all spring & summer.

Barbecue Grill Safety

Each year about 600 fires/explosions occur with gas grills, causing injuries. Many of the accidents happen the first time a grill is ignited for the season or after the grill's gas container is refilled and reattached.

Before you plan your next outdoor cookout, review these safety tips:
Check grill hoses for cracking, brittleness, holes and leaks. Make
sure there are no sharp bends in the hose or tubing.
Make sure your grill’s propane tank has three-prong gas valve
handle. As of April 1, 2002, the three-prong design replaces a
five-prong handle as the safety standard.
Move gas hoses as far away as possible from hot surfaces and
dripping hot grease.
Always keep propane gas containers upright.
Never store a spare gas container under or near the grill or
indoors.
Never store or use flammable liquids, like gasoline, near the grill.
Never keep a filled container in a hot car or car trunk. Heat will
cause the gas pressure to increase, which may open the relief valve
and allow gas to escape.
Make sure your spark igniter is consistently generating a spark to
create a flame and burn the propane gas. If the flame is not
visible, the heavier-than-air propane gas may be escaping and could
cause an explosion.
Never bring the propane tank into the house.
When using barbecue grills on decks or patios, be sure to leave
sufficient space from siding and eaves.
Keep children and pets far away from grills.

Charcoal Grill Safety Tips
Keep in mind that charcoal when burned in grills produces carbon monoxide (CO). CO is a colorless, odorless gas that can accumulate to toxic levels in closed environments. Each year about 17 people die as a result of CO fumes from charcoal being burned indoors or in a poorly ventilated area.
To reduce the risk of CO poisoning:
Never burn charcoal inside of homes, vehicles, tents or campers.
Charcoal should never be used indoors, even if ventilation is provided.
Since charcoal produces CO fumes until the charcoal is completely extinguished, do not store the grill indoors with freshly used coals.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
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May 7, 2007
Some safety information on "Blind Spots".
Some of the most serious preventable accidents occur because of blind spots while driving! Now there is a remarkable simple solution discovered by an engineer named George Platter. He presented his method at the prestigious Society of Automotive Engineers.
The National Safety Council tested his theory and discovered, to their amazement, that it works! The method has been fully endorsed by the National Safety Council. Here's how it works. First, forget how we learned to adjust our outside mirrors by plopping behind the steering wheel and turning the mirrors so that we just saw the side of our car looking back at us in the mirrors. Instead, adjust the driver's side mirror by resting your head against the driver's side window and then turning the mirror so that you just see the side of your car. Once this is set, move to the center of the vehicle

You won't see your own car in either mirror, yet what you will see is far better. Cars behind you show up as usual in the inside rear-view mirror above the dash, but the instant the car leaves your field of vision from the rear-view mirror the outside mirror picks it up. Your peripheral vision will do the rest. No blind spots; no delays; no wondering where that car about to pass you has disappeared to, and no waiting a few seconds for the car that you just saw in your rear-view mirror to show up in your outside mirrors.
All three mirrors work in harmony with one another, and the blind spots have been eliminated!
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
May 3, 2007
Are You Willing to Say Something to Strangers?

Today's Message is from Becky Wofford (a Houston Albemarle employee).

Just a reminder that safety from the heart also means watching out for the other guy as well as for yourself. It is easy to step in when we see family members, relatives, friends or even co-workers doing something that puts themselves in danger. But how many of us are willing to say something to strangers that we observe doing something hazardous.

My husband and I were in a small restaurant on Sunday afternoon getting a quick bite to eat after a shopping expedition. We sat and watched one of the waitresses climb up on a wooden chair with a woven seat with a bucket of ice to fill the ice hopper on the soda machine. We both knew that was very dangerous for her to do, yet we just sat there and said nothing as she made numerous trips up and down with buckets of ice. We even commented to each other that she should be using a step-stool. But did we say anything???

I wish we had. I thought about pointing it out to the manager and asking if they had a stool she could use. But I didn't. Next time, maybe I will.
Or will I??? Would you???
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
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May 2, 2007
Call 811 before you dig
Effective April 13, you can call 81l before you dig to prevent damage to underground utility lines.

The new 811 number is a national "Call Before You Dig" phone number designated by the FCC to eliminate the confusion of multiple "Call Before You Dig" numbers and help save lives by minimizing damages to underground utilities.

"People digging often make risky assumptions about whether or not they should get their utility lines marked due to concerns about project delays, costs and previous calls about other projects. These assumptions can be life-threatening," said Glyn Smith, executive director of PUPS.

"Every digging job requires a call – even small projects like planting trees or shrubs. If you hit an underground utility line while digging, you can harm yourself or those around you, disrupt service to an entire neighborhood and potentially be responsible for fines and repair costs," said Smith.

"The service is free," he added.
When you call 811 from anywhere in South Carolina, your call will be routed to PUPS, the local One Call Center for South Carolina. PUPS then contacts member utilities to mark the lines before work begins. PUPS does not locate the lines.
For more information, contact PUPS at 1-888-721-7877 or in Columbia at 939-1117 or on the Web site at www.sc1pups.org.

..................................................................

CGA launches national 811 "Call Before You Dig" number and Web site to help save lives and protect American underground infrastructure

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Common Ground Alliance (CGA) today announced the launch of a new national 811 "Call Before You Dig" Web site – www.call811.com – designed to serve as a national resource for professional excavators. The new Web site is being launched this week to educate industry audiences about the new 811 "Call Before You Dig" telephone number. The national number will be launched to the public in May of 2007.
"Knowing where utility lines are buried before each digging project helps protect those who dig from injury, expense and penalties," said CGA President Bob Kipp. "Our new Web site will provide the professional digging community with the tools they need to begin educating their employees and customers about the new national 811 number to launch later this year. One easy phone call to 811 will get the approximate location of underground utility lines marked for free," he continued. "Safe Digging Is No Accident: Always Call 811 Before You Dig."
811 is the new FCC-designated national N-11 number created to eliminate confusion of multiple "Call Before You Dig" numbers across the country.
This quick and efficient service connects callers with local One Call Centers who notify the appropriate local utilities, who then send crews to the requested site to mark the approximate location of underground lines for free.
Knowing where underground lines are buried before each digging project helps prevent injury, expense and penalties. In 2004, according to industry data, CGA estimates there were approximately 680,000 underground line strikes resulting in damages, including service outages and injury. Many of these accidents might have easily been avoided by calling ahead to have lines marked before digging. A recent national survey conducted for CGA shows that confusion exists among the public as to the necessity of calling before every dig job. In the survey, only 35% of homeowners indicated they—or someone in their house—have called to have their utility lines marked in the past.
The Web site, www.Call811.com, launched this week with several resources designed to help professional excavators learn about the new number and educate consumers about the national "Call Before You Dig" service. On the site, CGA has made a fully downloadable set of campaign materials available for free use, and created an online "tips and tools" forum to share best practices across the digging industry. For more information about the 811 service and campaign, visit www.call811.com.
CGA is a member-driven association of nearly 1,400 individuals, organizations and sponsors in every facet of the underground utility industry. Established in 2000, CGA is committed to saving lives and preventing damage to American underground infrastructure by promoting effective damage prevention practices. CGA has established itself as the leading organization in an effort to reduce damages to underground facilities in North America through shared responsibility among all stakeholders. For more information, visit CGA on the web at www.commongroundalliance.com.
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
May 1, 2007
Running Red Lights

Today's Message is from Tom Lewellyn (a Pasadena Albemarle employee).
-----------------------------------------------------------

On Tuesday morning, April 24th, while driving into work I witnessed someone run a red light at the intersection of South Street and the feeder. Most of you are familiar with this set up. You sit at the first light, it changes to green and you proceed to the second light that usually turns green just before you get to it. Sometimes you don't even have to slow down for this second green light. This was the case this morning. As I and several other drivers approached the second light that had changed, an individual was pushing his very cold yellow light at ~ 60 mph coming down the feeder. This was someone in an enormous hurry. This could have been disastrous.

There was no collision.
This time.

I have made it a habit and I hope you make it yours to slow down and look the other way even though you have been given the green. Don't let lights and signs mislead you. There may be someone else out there ignoring all of them.
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 36 --- 08 May 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
+---------------------------------------+
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Rip & Burn / Smart Shopping / Ubuntu

In today's TOURBUS, you'll learn the basics of ripping and burning your digital music, and I'll share my nineteen tips for smarter online shopping. You'll also get the scoop on the new Feisty Fawn release of Ubuntu Linux, and find out what NOT to put on a Myspace profile... Read on!

-----------------------
Your Mother Called...
-----------------------

Did you know... your fearless Busdriver has another job in addition to publishing the Tourbus newsletter? Since 1998, I've operated FlowersFast, an online florist service. It's kind of like FTD or 1-800-Flowers, only with better prices and friendlier service. :-)

FlowersFast offers flowers, gift baskets and gourmet food items for delivery all over the world. And since Mother's Day is approaching, this would be a great time for you to visit FlowersFast.com and send heartfelt thanks or greetings to the special mother, wife, sister, or grandmother in your life.

To make it even easier, I'm giving TOURBUS readers a special five dollar discount if you use promo code TOURBUS at checkout time. I hope you'll visit FlowersFast and try our service!

MOTHER'S DAY FLOWERS - http://www.flowersfast.com/save

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Rip & Burn Basics
-------------------

A reader asked me this question about burning music on to CDs:
"I have a big music collection on CDROM discs. I'd like to get all this music on my computer and burn my own mix CDs. Can you help me get started?"

I sometimes take it for granted that people know certain things about computers, but everyone has their own comfort level with technology. So maybe you've wondered how to copy music from a CD to your computer, or vice versa -- how to create your own CD from music on your PC?

Or perhaps you've got a bunch of CDs with only one or two songs on each that you really like. It takes just a few minutes to learn how to "rip" songs from a CD, and "burn" your own mix to a new disc. And even better, you probably already have the hardware and software you need to make it happen. Here's my illustrated tutorial to guide you through the process...

RIP & BURN - http://askbobrankin.com/rip_burn_basics.html

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Smarter Online Shopping
-------------------------

I still meet people who tell me they've never purchased anything on the Internet. I always tell 'em that it's safer to use a credit card online than in a department store, and there are so many tools to help you find the right product AND save money in the process.

Have you experienced the frustration of making a purchase, only to find that very same item offered somewhere else at a lower price? Smart shoppers can eliminate this problem and avoid other snafus by using online comparison shopping tools, coupon finders and product review sites before the purchase.

Even if you think you're a savvy online shopper, I'm certain that you'll benefit from at least one of the NINETEEN tips for smarter and safer online shopping here:

SHOP! - http://askbobrankin.com/online_shopping.html

----------------------------
Ubuntu Linux - Feisty Fawn
----------------------------

If you read my article "Switching From Windows To Linux" last month, then you'll be interested in the new Ubuntu Linux release, nicknamed Feisty Fawn. From installation to every day use, this version is characterized by a number of improvements in stability and features.

Linux devotees will enjoy the improved desktop graphics, and easier connection to wireless networks. Newcomers will like the Windows migration tool, and everyone will love the "desktop on a cube" and "wobbly windows" effects. Read on to learn more about this new Ubuntu Linux release...

UBUNTU - http://askbobrankin.com/ubuntu_linux_feisty_fawn.html

SWITCHING - http://askbobrankin.com/switch_to_linux.html

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Myspace and Copyrights
------------------------

Some Myspace users are being stung by new rules that limit the type of images, music and videos that can be posted. I've seen reports of accounts being limited and even deleted in some cases. Myspace is in the crosshairs of lawyers from the entertainment industry, so they've begun to crack down on users who post copyrighted materials.

Myspace says they may terminate membership privileges of anyone who repeatedly infringes the copyright rights of others. But in some cases, profiles have been deleted without warning. And I've seen firsthand reports of accounts being flagged or removed when there was no copyright issue at all.

In this article, I answer the question "What is Copyrighted?" and explain what NOT to post on a Myspace profile. If you use Myspace, Youtube or other social networking sites, read on...

COPYRIGHT - http://askbobrankin.com/myspace_and_copyrights.html

+---------------------------------------+
That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
+---------------------------------------+
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest

PurpleHull Pea Festival & World Championship Rotary Tiller Race!
June 29-30, 2007 Emerson, Arkansas
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Public Works Employee Drowns
FL - A 21-year-old City of Crestview public works employee died at about 8 a.m. Thursday after a lawnmower he was driving overturned into the lake at Twin Hills Park, according to the police. Darnell Rushing was trapped underwater for an unknown amount of time.

Officials investigate man's death at lumber yard
State officials are investigating an accident at a Reno lumber company that resulted in the death of a Fernley man last month.

Worker at Houston galvanizing plant dies in accident
TX - A 34-year-old worker died in a mechanical accident in northeast Houston this morning.

Homeowner finds man dead in pool
NY - A Riverhead pool maintenance worker was pronounced dead after a homeowner found him face down in a pool at a Sound Drive home in Greenport,

IATAN 1 POWER PLANT | Heated water line ruptures, One killed in Iatan plant accident
MO - Three KCP&L employees also are burned at the electric generating facility north of Weston. One worker was killed and three were injured Wednesday when a heated water line ruptured in the Iatan power plant north of Weston.

Construction Worker Dies In Durham
DURHAM, N.C. -- A construction worker was killed Wednesday afternoon when a septic tank that was being removed from a home site pinned the man in a trench.

Trench falls in, killing 45-year-old worker
Rock Hill, NY — A 45-year-old plumber from Orange County died yesterday when a 400-pound slab of pavement fell from atop the trench he was working in and pinned him to the ground.

Woman killed at school bus barn
TX - A school district employee was killed early this morning in an apparent accident at the San Felipe Del Rio Consolidated Independent School District transportation depot.

Ga. officer dies in accidental discharge incident
Incident Details: Chief Investigator Suarez was accidentally shot and killed by another officer as the officer finished cleaning his gun during a shift change at the police station.

Alabama Officer Dies in Motorcycle Crash
FLORENCE, Ala.-- Longtime police officer David Young was doing what he had always wanted to do Thursday when his life abruptly ended in a crash in north Florence.

Worker killed in trench collapse near Brooklyn private school
NEW YORK -- A worker was killed Friday when he was trapped in an 8-foot-deep trench that collapsed during construction work at a private school

Amtrak employee dies after early morning accident
BOSTON, MA - An Amtrak employee suffered an apparent heart attack and later died after a train struck a piece of construction equipment in Boston this morning.

Dead worker's employer says collapse was an accident
NY - The construction worker killed in a trench collapse in Brooklyn was a father of two young children, Amendano died Friday afternoon when an 8-foot-deep trench he was digging collapsed at a construction site for a planned church school in Dyker Heights, police said.

Kansas officer dies from twister injuries
GREENSBURG, Kan. — Officer Robert Tim Buckman was rushing to warn rural residents about the approaching storm when the tornado swept up his squad car and flung it 300 yards into a field.

UPDATE: Industrial Accident Victim Identified as Tyler Man
ARP — A longtime employee of Baker Tank Company, located on Texas Highway 64, was killed early this morning when a tank rolled over on the Tyler man.

Montgomery officer dies after accident, Luke Hoffman, 24, was pursuing suspected drunken driver yesterday
MD - A Montgomery County police officer who was hit by another officer's cruiser yesterday has died, police said today. Officer Luke Hoffman, 24, was pursuing a suspected drunken driver when the man bailed out of his car and ran, police said. Hoffman pursued the man on foot and was struck by a police cruiser

http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/2007/04/weekly-toll-death-in-american-workplace.html
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 3 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when their unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Killed were:
01. Sgt. Felix G. Gonzalez-Iraheta, 25, of Sun Valley, Calif.
02. Pfc. John D. Flores, 21, of Barrigada, Guam.
Both were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 18th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 3 in Ar Ramadi, Iraq, of wounds sustained when their armored personnel carrier was struck by an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to Company B, 321st Engineer Battalion of the U.S. Army Reserve, Hayden Lake, Idaho. Killed were:
03. Staff Sgt. Coby G. Schwab, 25, of Puyallup, Wash.
04. Cpl. Kelly B. Grothe, 21, of Spokane, Wash.

05. Spc. Jerome J. Potter, 24, of Tacoma, Wash., died May 3 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Potter was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 5 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq.
06. Master Sgt. Kenneth N. Mack, 42, of Fort Worth, Texas.
07. Cpl. Charles O. Palmer II, 36, of Manteca, Calif.
Mack was assigned to II Marine Expeditionary Force Headquaters Group, II MEF, Camp Lejeune, N.C. Palmer was assigned to 8th Communication Battalion, II Marine Expeditionary Force Headquarters Group, II MEF, Camp Lejeune, N.C.


08. Staff Sgt. Christopher S. Kiernan, 37, of Virginia Beach, Va., died May 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire during combat patrol operations. Kiernan was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations May 4 in Baghdad, Iraq. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
09. Staff Sgt. Christopher N. Hamlin, 24, of London, Ky., died May 4 in Baghdad, Iraq.
10. Pfc. Larry I. Guyton, 22, of Brenham, Texas, died May 5 in Balad, Iraq.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died May 6 at Pol-e-Charki, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered from small arms fire. Their deaths are under investigation. Killed were:
11. Col. James W. Harrison Jr., 47, of Missouri. He was assigned to the U.S. Army Command and General Staff College, Fort Leavenworth, Kan.
12. Master Sgt. Wilberto Sabalu Jr., 36, of Chicago. He was assigned to the U.S. Military Police School, Fort Leonard Wood, Mo.

13. Spc. Robert J. Dixon, 27, of Minneapolis, died May 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Dixon was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 4th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

14. Sgt. Sameer A. M. Rateb, 22, of Absecon, N.J., died May 6 at Forward Operating Base Summerall in Bayji, Iraq, from injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. His death is under investigation.
Rateb was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. For

15. Staff Sgt. Virgil C. Martinez, 33, of West Valley, Utah, died May 6 in Kadhimiyah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using an improvised explosive device and small arms fire in Baghdad, Iraq. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 7th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of six soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 6 in Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. They were assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash. Killed were:
16. Staff Sgt. Vincenzo Romeo, 23, of Lodi, N.J.
17. Sgt. Jason R. Harkins, 25, of Clarkesville, Ga.
18. Sgt. Joel W. Lewis, 28, of Sandia Park, N.M.
19. Cpl. Matthew L. Alexander, 21, of Gretna, Neb.
20. Cpl. Anthony M. Bradshaw, 21, of San Antonio, Texas.

21. Cpl. Michael A. Pursel, 19, of Clinton, Utah.

22. Cpl. Dan H. Nguyen, 24, of Sugar Land, Texas, died May 8 in Tahrir, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

23. Sgt. Timothy P. Padgett, 28, of Defuniak Springs, Fla., died May 8 in Tarin Kwot, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when his unit was attacked by enemy forces during combat patrol operations. Padgett was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 7th Special Forces Group, Fort Bragg, N.C.

24. Lance Cpl. Walter K. O’Haire, 20, of Lynn, Mass., died May 9 from wounds suffered while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. O’Haire was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

25. Sgt. Maj. Bradly D. Conner, 41, of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, died May 9 near Al-Hillah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improved explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Conner was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 1st Special Forces Group, Fort Lewis, Wash.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died May 8 in Salman Pak, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. Killed were:
26. Sgt. Blake C. Stephens, 25, of Pocatello, Idaho.
27. Spc. Kyle A. Little, 20, of West Boylston, Mass.
Both soldiers were assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga.

28. Sgt. Jason W. Vaughn, 29, of Iuka, Miss., died May 10 in Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Vaughn was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Lewis, Wash.

29. Pfc. Roy L. Jones III, 21, of Houston, died May 10 in Diwaniyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered from small arms fire. Jones was assigned to the 984th Military Police Company, 759th Military Police Battalion, Fort Carson, Colo.

30. Spc. Michael K. Frank, 36, of Great Falls, Mont., died of injuries suffered in Baghdad May 10, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his HMMWV during combat operations. He was assigned to the 1st Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

31. Pfc. William A. Farrar Jr., 20, of Redlands, Calif., died May 11 in Al Iskandariyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Farrar was assigned to the 127th Military Police Company, 709th Military Police Battalion, 18th Military Police Brigade, Darmstadt, Germany.

~~

Airmen MIssing In Action From WWII is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

He is 1st Lt. Archibald Kelly, U.S. Army Air Forces, of Detroit, Mich. He will be buried on May 12 in Great Lakes National Cemetery, Holly, Mich. Representatives from the Army met with Kelly’s next-of-kin in his hometown to explain the recovery and identification process and to coordinate interment with military honors on behalf of the Secretary of the Army.

On July 22, 1944, Kelly was the navigator on a B-24J Liberator on a bombing raid of the oil fields at Ploesti, Romania. Returning to Lecce air base in Italy, the plane was struck by enemy anti-aircraft fire and crashed in what is now Croatia, approximately 430 miles southwest of Ploesti. Of the ten crewmen on board, eight survived and bailed out of the aircraft before it crashed. The rear gunner died and his body was later recovered. One of the surviving crewmen saw Kelly bail out before the crash, but said he struck a rocky cliff face when the wind caught his parachute. His body was not found at that time.

After researching information contained in U.S. wartime records, specialists from DPMO’s Joint Commission Support Directorate (JCSD) in 2005 interviewed residents from Dubrovnik and Mihanici village who had information related to WWII aircraft losses in the area. One resident recalled a crash in which one of the crewmen landed on a pile of rocks on Mt. Snijeznica after his parachute failed to open. He said locals buried the individual. Based on witness descriptions of the burial location, the team searched the mountaintop, but was unable to locate the burial site.

Additional JCSD archival research in Croatia confirmed the earlier information found in U.S. records. In June 2006, the Dubrovnik resident reported to JCSD that he had continued the search and found the grave site of the American serviceman. He sent pictures of both the site and the remains to DPMO. In September 2006, a Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) team excavated the burial site, confirming with local villagers that it was the same site photographed by the Dubrovnik resident. The team recovered human remains at the site.

Among other traditional forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC also used dental comparisons in the identification of Kelly’s remains.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
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MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
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Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Dan 3:16-18 Dan 6:19-24 Dan 6:19-24 Dan 1:5-8 Isa 50:7 Acts 16:26-30 http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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