Bug's Bleat - - GCF: The Cantor

Volume 9, Issue 15 Friday, April 13, 2007

Hello All,

Our new “TriCaster” is proving to be all it was promised. Switching cameras is smooth and innovational. Downloading video is easier than we dreamed. Keep watching Sudden Link’s Magnolia Channel 13 at 1:30 pm and 8:00 pm on Sundays to see how we do...
[http://shop.newtek.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=24] [http://catalog2.panasonic.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ModelDetail?displayTab=O&storeId=11201&catalogId=13051&itemId=98187&catGroupId=14571&surfModel=AG-DVC20]
~~~~~
The following video from Google Video is one of my (and David's favorite)

Operation Red Flag - - 46 min 12 sec - May 10, 2006
Description: The video is about USAF and allied forces.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-317591162016551876&q=39012&pr=goog-sl

Want to see more cool videos?
Go to video.google.com/
~~~~~
Greetings from Michael Yon:

I am in Basra, with our British Coalition partners, who this week launched a clever operation that lured enemy fighters into combat, a decision that proved fatal for more than two dozen of militia members and terrorists. Please click the link to read about Operation Arezzo. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/british-forces-at-war-as-witnessed-by-an-american.htm]

New readers will find the dispatch Tabula Rasa [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/tabula-rasa.htm] gives context to my work from Iraq.

Another dispatch, with more than 100 photos of the 1-4 Cav at work in Baghdad, is nearly ready. What an excellent bunch of soldiers! I'll send out an announcement when "Desires of the Human Heart" is published and folks at home can see and read about things rarely reported.

I am energized by this embed with British soldiers, which has me in the thick of things with their soldiers who are engaged with the enemy. I broke yet another lens in combat with the British on Tuesday.
Before it got smashed, the lens was taking great photos, some of which you'll see in the latest dispatch, and others will be published in the coming days.
This site is wholly contingent on reader support, for which I'm truly grateful. In addition to keeping me in camera lenses, reader support is the best indication I have of how important it is for me to continue this work.

Respectfully,

Michael
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/
~~~~~
Go to http://www.pandora.com/ and search for “Pocket Full of Rocks”
~~~~~
You will soon be able to pay for onboard Amtrak food and beverage purchases with the swipe of a credit card.
~~~~~
Back in September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a social studies school teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she took all of the desks out of the classroom.

The kids came into first period, they walked in, there were no desks...
They obviously looked around and said,
"Ms. Cothren, where's our desk?" And she said, "You can't have a desk until you tell me how you earn them."

They thought, "Well, maybe it's our grades."

"No," she said.

"Maybe it's our behavior."

And she told them, "No, it's not even your behavior."

And so they came and went in the first period, still no desks in the classroom. Second period, same thing, third period. By early afternoon television news crews had gathered in Ms. Cothren's class to find out about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of the classroom. The last period of the day, Martha Cothren gathered her class. They were at this time sitting on the floor around the sides of the room. And she says, "Throughout the day no one has really understood how you earn the desks that sit in this classroom ordinarily." She said, "Now I'm going to tell you."

Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it, and as she did 27 U.S. veterans, wearing their uniforms, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. And they placed those school desks in rows, and then they stood along the wall. And by the time they had finished placing those desks, those kids for the first time I think perhaps in their lives understood how they earned those desks.

Martha said, "You don't have to earn those desks. These guys did it for you. They put them out there for you, but it's up to you to sit here responsibly to learn, to be good students and good citizens, because they paid a price for you to have that desk, and don't ever forget it."

My friend, I think sometimes we forget that the freedoms that we have are freedoms not because of celebrities. The freedoms are because of ordinary people who did extraordinary things, who loved this country more than life itself, and who not only earned a school desk for a kid at the Robinson High School in Little Rock, but who earned a seat for you and me to enjoy this great land we call home, this wonderful nation that we better love enough to protect and preserve with the kind of conservative, solid values and principles that made us a great nation.

"We live in the Land of the Free because of the brave"

Remember our Troops...

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include The Dream Center Easter Egg Hunt
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.69
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $2.55
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Mixed Greens with Tomato-Ginger Dressing Copyright, 2005, Robin Miller, All rights reserved Show: Quick Fix Meals with Robin Miller Episode: To Your Health


1 large plum tomato, seeds squeezed out, roughly chopped
1/4 cup chopped oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes
1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
2 garlic cloves, peeled
1 to 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
½ cup water
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
6 cups washed mixed greens (any combination of romaine, red leaf, Bibb, Boston lettuce, mustard greens, spinach)


In a blender, combine tomato, sun-dried tomatoes, ginger, garlic, and vinegar. Process until finely chopped. Add water, salt, and pepper and puree until smooth.
Divide greens evenly among 4 salad plates and spoon dressing over top.


Nutrition Information
Nutritional Analysis Per Serving Calories 38
Total fat 1g Saturated fat 0g
Cholesterol 0mg Sodium 173mg
Carbohydrates 6g Protein 1.5g
Fiber 2.5g

~~~~~
If you've purchased select energy-saving items, such as ENERGY STAR-qualified doors, windows, skylights and fiberglass insulation, you may be eligible to claim a tax credit of up to $500 on your tax returns. You can even use that money to purchase another qualified product, and claim it on your taxes next year. And you will be saving money on your monthly energy bills throughout the year. - - http://www.lowes.com/lowes/lkn?action=pg&p=Promos/tax_credit.html&link=tax&campid=LWS_ESAPR_041007&email=kc5hii@magnolia-net.com&source=email
~~~~~
Check out www.journeyfellowshipchurch.com , and go to the Pastor's page on the lower lefthand corner.
Or go to www.dougmcallister.com . There's a page on church planting with Jimmy on it.
~~~~~
MapQuest Gas Prices, Pretty Cool http://gasprices.mapquest.com
~~~~~
If you’d like to write Dr. Antoon, he’d like to hear from you. This is his current address, the latest of the three federal prison’s he’s been in.
Patrick Antoon #06669-010
Federal Prison Camp-La Tuna
P. O. Box 8000
Anthony, NM/TX 88021

~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Are Christians Terrorists?
By Mark Earley
4/13/2007

What Schools Are Teaching Our Kids

Note: This commentary was delivered by Prison Fellowship President Mark Earley.

Two-and-a-half years ago, Islamic terrorists took 1,200 people hostage at a school in the Russian city of Beslan. They ultimately slaughtered 344 people, including 186 children. The attack brought back memories of the 1999 massacre at Columbine High School, in which two disaffected students shot to death twelve classmates and a teacher.

It is no surprise, then—especially after September 11—that a New Jersey school district felt the need to practice anti-terrorism drills. What shocked students was who the mock terrorists were supposed to be: homeschooling Christian fundamentalists.

It’s another example of how openly those hostile to any forms of Christianity express their contempt.

The anti-terrorism drill was organized by the Burlington Township Police Department. According to the Burlington County Times, the drill scenario described intruders as “members of a right-wing fundamentalist group called the ‘New Crusaders’ who do not believe in separation of church and state.” The storyline also says the mock terrorists were angry because the daughter of one gunman was expelled from school for praying in class. The drill “specified that two armed men invade the high school . . . shoot several students in the hallways, then barricade themselves in the media center with 10 student hostages.”

Not surprisingly, Christian students, parents, and local pastors were upset about Christians being portrayed this way, and conservative media outlets expressed outrage. In response, Burlington township and school officials claimed the scenario was “generic” and did not specify any particular religion.

Oh, please. This is like garbing the police in Arab headdresses, naming them the “New Jihadists,” and then claiming the scenario had nothing to do with Islam.

Nor is this the first time schools have run drills featuring Christian terrorists. Three years ago, a school district in Muskegon County, Michigan, had a similar drill. The terrorists in that case were called “Wackos Against Schools and Education”—homeschooling nuts who detonate a bomb on a school bus.

These drills are more than troubling. They deliberately ignore reality: The killers who have struck at schools—or who attempt to—are either Islamic radicals or disturbed students who are angry at other students or teachers.

Ironically, school districts probably stick the terrorism label on Christians in part because they are too afraid of what Islamic radicals may do if they dare suggest that Muslims might actually be the ones they have to worry about.

These drills are also disturbing in that they are giving impressionable kids an ugly and distorted picture of Christian believers: that we are crazed killers who go after anyone who crosses us. While I suspect older kids will roll their eyes at this depiction, younger children may well absorb the message that Christians really are dangerous.

We ought to protest that message wherever we see it—especially when the mainstream media ignores it, as they have in this case. But we should also be proactive in terms of what message kids do absorb about our faith. We should reach out to local, unchurched kids, offering after-school tutoring, game and movie nights, and camping trips.

There is nothing like knowing a few real followers of Jesus for kids to realize that neighborhood Christians are not murderous wackos, but indeed are followers of the Prince of Peace.

Learn more about how you can purchase ReWired, the worldview curriculum for teens by BreakPoint and TeenMania.

For Further Reading and Information

David Levinsky, “Drill Angers Conservatives,” Burlington County Times, 5 April 2007.

Jim Brown, “Hostage Drill at NJ School Features Mock ‘Christian Terrorists’,” One News Now, 2 April 2007.

Terry Mattingly, “Strange Stories from the World of Religion,” Scripps News, 11 April 2007.

Terry Mattingly, “Generic Fundamentalists Attack Church-State Wall!” Get Religion, 6 April 2007.

John Sanders, “The Christians Are Coming! The Christians Are Coming!” Townhall.com, 5 April 2007.

Jennifer Mesko, “N.J. Drill Casts Christians as Terrorists,” Citizenlink, 4 April 2007.

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060920, “Unleashing the Dogs: Why Are Christians Being Attacked?”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 040913, “Part of a Pattern: Beslan and Beyond.”

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~

Words of the Week:
toper: a drunkard; a sot.
obviate: to anticipate and dispose of or make unnecessary.
abecedarian: pertaining to the alphabet; also, rudimentary; also, a beginner.
rivulet: a small stream or brook.
putsch: an attempt to overthrow a government.
brio: vigor; vivacity.
spoonerism: the transposition of usually initial sounds in a pair of words.

from Dictionary.Com
~~~~~
"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill." - Barbara Tuchman

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison

"Kindness is not without its rocks ahead. People are apt to put it down to an easy temper and seldom recognize it as the secret striving of a generous nature; whilst, on the other hand, the ill-natured get credit for all the evil they refrain from." - Honore De Balzac

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

"The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." - Samuel Johnson

"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. The only chance is to treat, not happiness, but some end external to it, as the purpose of life." - John Stuart Mill

"Without heroes, we are all plain people, and don't know how far we can go." - Bernard Malamud
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# UK Mom Pulls Toddler Boys from Car Just Before it Plunges Off a Cliff
# Rutgers Women Show Grace to Imus
# President Bush Applauds Those Who Uphold Life
# Idaho Law Gives Abortion-Minded Women More Information

# Canadians Issue World Apology for Social Engineering Legislation
# Judge Rules that Texas Children's Hospital Keep 17-Month-Old Alive until Next Court Date
# Statement by President Bush on Stem Cell Bill Veto
# Supposed "Jesus Tomb" Scholars Now Backpedaling on Claims

# Record Church Attendance a Sign of "Cultural Shift" in Australia
# Bush Administration Draws Heavily From Christian Law School
# Parents Bring Pressure to Bear on MPAA to Revise Ratings Standards on Films
# Poll Shows Favorite Bible Verse of British

# Appeals Court to Hear Groundbreaking Argument on Whether Abortion Ends "Human Life"
# Popular TV Drama Depicts Real-Life Contact between Surgeon and Unborn Baby
# Jewish Congregation Offers Use of Their Facility for Christians on Easter Sunday
# American Family Association is Honoring "Welcome Home a Hero" member, Bert Brady

# Prayer Alert: Toddler Struggles for Life in Texas Hospital that Wants to Cut off Care
# New Book Chronicles Einstein's Life...and Belief in God
# Beloved Comic Strip Creator, Johnny Hart, Goes Home to the Lord
# 102-Year-Old Woman Scores a Hole-in-One and Sets World Record

# President Bush's Easter Message: "Give Thanks to the Almighty for the Glory of His Grace"
# A Cup of Suffering and Joy—a Word from Heidi Baker of Iris Ministries
# Australian Church Leaders Prepare Easter Messages: Resurrection, Peace, Truth
# Major League Baseball Greats Kick-Off New Season with Film about Faith on the Diamond—Mike Piazza Shares His Reaction

# Israeli Families of MIAs Write Open Letter to Families and Friends of Released British Hostages—UK Reunion brings Them Hope
# North Carolina Senate Apologizes for Slavery
# Australian Church Leaders Prepare Easter Messages: Resurrection, Peace, Truth
# Major League Baseball Greats Kick-Off New Season with Film about Faith on the Diamond—Mike Piazza Shares His Reaction

Breaking Christian News
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541-928-2642
E-mail
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426

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GCF: The Cantor

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Edward) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
---------------------------------------------------

A cantor, the man who sings the prayers at a synagogue, brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: "Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000."

There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room. Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly woman is heard, "So what did you do with the money?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Lumberjack Wanted

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, David) -Tom
---------------------------------------------------

A large, well-established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack.

The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave.

"Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man.

"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack.

"Take your axe and go cut it down."

The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the man.

The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?"

"In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man.

"You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack.

The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that's what they call it now!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Leaning Slightly

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Lloyd) -Tom
---------------------------------------------------

I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time.

It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused ... told me I was crazy.

But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 inch shorter than his right.

A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

He just looked at me and said, ... "I stand corrected."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Department Baseball

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
---------------------------------------------------

An interoffice softball game was held every year between the marketing department and the support staff of one company.

The support staff whipped the marketing department soundly.

To show just "how" the marketing department earns their keep, they posted this memo on the bulletin board after the game:

"The Marketing Department is pleased to announce that for the 2006 Softball Season, we came in 2nd place, having lost but one game all year. The Support Department, however, had a rather dismal season, as they won only one game."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Washington DC

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Becky) -Tom
---------------------------------------------------

A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?"

The reply was, "Washington D.C."

On being asked what the 'D.C.' stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / Women will never be equal to \ \_/ ////
\ / men until they can walk down the\ /
\ _/ street with a bald head & a beer \_ /
/ / gut, & still think they are beautiful.\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Did you know that \ /
\ _/ "verb" is a noun? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only thing so simple \ /
\ _/ that a child can operate it \_ /
/ / is a grandparent. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Climate is what you expect. \ /
\ _/ Weather is what you get. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / "I wish there was a knob \ \_/ ////
\ / on the TV to turn up the \ /
\ _/ intelligence. There's a knob \_ /
/ / called 'brightness' but it \ \
doesn't work." - Gallagher
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Dear Abby 03/15/07

/* We normally do not do surveys but we feel this matter is important enough to bend that rule. The Committee to Investigate Printing Sabotage (CIPS) has requested our assistance. They say, "The thousands of readers of GCFL, the worldwide range of the group, and the well known fact that GCFL members are of much higher than average intelligence make them uniquely qualified to perform this survey." We couldn't agree more!

We've setup our branch of the survey on our web page at http://gcfl.net/cips.php . There are only six fields to fill in, so it will only take a minute or two. Please help CIPS in this effort. We will post the results from GCFL members in Monday's mailing. Thanks! */

Dear Abby by Abigail Van Buren
03/15/07

NAME GAME GIVES PLEASURE TO THOSE WITH EAR FOR IRONY

DEAR ABBY: I have enjoyed the columns you've printed about people whose names matched their professions, and wonder if you would be interested in an incident that happened to my sister. Her name is Dragony, and she works in a pharmacy located in a medical building. Her license plate reads DRAGONY. Well, someone went into the pharmacy and asked the girl at the counter, "Who is Dr. Agony?" I still laugh when I think about it. -- KATHI IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KATHI: Funny! Your sister's license plate reminds me of one that belongs to my neighbor, who happens to be an anesthesiologist. Her license plate reads: EPIDURL.

I am still hearing from readers offering names -- and some of them are a hoot. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, I was office manager for a printing company that did work for the American Tobacco Co. in North Carolina. The purchasing agent's assistant there was a woman by the name of Flicka Ashe. Can you believe it! -- DOLORES IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: I have sold real estate for 18 years, and no one ever forgets my name. It's ... BETH NEWHOUSE, MAYVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: My grandma fell and broke her hip last summer and had to have surgery. Her surgeon? Dr. Mark Cutright! -- KATHY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR ABBY: Shame on you! How could you forget your fellow member of the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry -- Dr. John Looney? -- FRANCES ROTON BELL, DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: Here's an item that might qualify. It's from the Jan. 16 edition of our local newspaper: "Charles T. Sprinkle, 27, of Sandpoint was cited on a charge of urinating in public at 11:52 p.m. in the 200 block of Main Street." -- LARRY S. IN IDAHO

DEAR ABBY: Would you like more names that match? My optician was named Ralph Glance, my daughter's allergist was Dr. Eitches, and my children's dentist is Dr. Spitz. -- SUSAN K., HAYWARD, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school, there was a family with the last name "Braa." Guess what the mom's first name was? "Iona"! My initials are "B.S.," but this story is not. -- B.S., FARIBAULT, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: When my sister and I were children, we'd play a game called "I Spy" during road trips from Georgia to Alabama. On one of them we spotted a septic tank installation and maintenance company named "Seth Poole and Sons." -- LARRY IN DOERUN, GA.

DEAR ABBY: I used to work with a young woman named Linda Snow. She met and married a wonderful man. When she did, she became Mrs. Snow-White! -- A FAN, SUN CITY, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: My salesman husband was dealing with a particularly difficult client who demanded to speak to the boss. The reply: "I'll be happy to transfer you to him. His name is Robin Hood; if he isn't in, you can speak with his secretary -- Marian!" True story, real people. -- JENNIFER IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: This isn't occupation-related, but I thought you might get a kick out of it anyway. I went to school with twins Esther and Lester Chester and their big brother, Chester Chester Jr. And no, I'm not kidding. -- L. LEGGETT, MAGNOLIA, MISS.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

COPYRIGHT 2007 UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE

Received from Milton Freund.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Devil in the Church

One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town got up early and went to the local church. Before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking about their lives, their families, etc.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"

"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.

Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

Received from Milton Freund.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Kid Wisdom

Kid Wisdom

When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer.

Never tell your mom her diet's not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Don't pull your dad's finger when he tells you to.

Never leave your three-year-old brother in the same room as your school assignment.

If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.

Felt-tip markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone.

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Sign Language for Your Dentist

You know how hard it is to talk to your dentist when your teeth are being cleaned or you are getting a filling? Well, I decided I would make up a sort of sign language that you could use to express yourself without having to mumble.

Below are 10 common things you might wish to say, numbered 1-10. These would be printed on a poster and mounted on the ceiling above the dentist chair.

It would give you something to read since procedures can be boring. When a phrase seems appropriate, you would just hold up the corresponding number of fingers to express yourself.
The dentist would not need to stop to ask you to repeat yourself and could fix the problem right away.

1. Everything is fine, but my nose itches.

2. When you get a chance, there seems to be spit running down my neck.

3. So, I guess you had garlic again for lunch today?

4. You realize that wasn't my tooth that you just poked with that incredibly sharp tool of yours.

5. I would REALLY prefer you didn't do that again.

6. Could you please suction the chunk of debris that you missed before I gag?

7. Remember how I said I was numb? I think I may have been mistaken.

8. Wait a minute -- maybe I am allergic to latex.

9. Just so you know, if I don't get to take a break soon, I may bite you.

10. Please stop asking me stupid questions about myself or I will take that paper mask off your face.

Received from Valerie Goldston.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Kennedy Airport Flight

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY NO!"

Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

Received from Chris Keniston.

(-:][:-)

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Big Trouble

Two little boys, ages 10 and 8, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in discipling children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.

The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "Where is God?!"

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,

"What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time.....
"GOD is missing, and they think we did it!"

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next
week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you."

Thanks to Jim Bussey
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NEVER HEARD CREATION EXPLAINED THIS WAY BEFORE !!!

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with that?"
And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled. And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and named it "Devil's Food."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes!
And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Thanks to David Lamb
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A mom was concerned about her kindergarten son walking to school. He didn't want his mother to walk with him. She wanted to give him the feeling that he had some independence but yet know that he was safe.
So she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodness, if she would please follow him to school in the mornings, staying at a distance, so he probably wouldn't notice her.
Mrs. Goodness said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well, so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodness and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, Timmy's little friend noticed the same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week. Finally he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us to school all week? Do you know her?"
Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yeah, I know who she is."
The friend said, "Well, who is she"?
"That's just Shirley Goodness", Timmy replied, "and her daughter Marcy".
"Shirley Goodness? Who the heck is she and why is she following us?"

"Well", Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers, 'cuz she worries about me so much. And in the Psalm, it says, 'Shirley Goodness and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life', so I guess I'll just have to get used to it"!

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT
Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway, but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH

It takes less than a minute . Work this out as you read .
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1757 .... If you haven't, ad d 1756.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number (I.e., how! Many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is !!!!)

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2007) IT WILL EVER WORK

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Perfect Mate*

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

(-:][:-)

*Where's Mommy*

One evening after dinner, a five-year-old boy noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked his father, "Where did mommy go?"

In answer to his question, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party."

This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, daddy?"

The man had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other."

He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime...

Then he burst out into laughter, and said, "Come on, Dad! What is it really?"

(-:][:-)

*Distraught Senior*

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

(-:][:-)

*Walking Recovery*

An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him.

After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time.

"But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Coneheads"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw380

"Other Door"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw381

"Bucket Load"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw382

"Dog Face"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw383

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - -
http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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Like a lot of folks, I have a job. I work, they pay me.

I Pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.

In order to get that paycheck. I am required to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people Who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping Someone stay seated. Could you imagine how much money the state Would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance Check?

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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THE EMPTY EGG

Jeremy was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, Doris Miller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises. At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain.

Most of the time, however, Jeremy just irritated his teacher.

One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Forresters entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Jeremy really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems. Why, there is a five year gap between his age and that of the other students."

Mrs. Forrester cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Jeremy if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here."

Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul. She wanted to sympathize with the Forresters. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Jeremy was a distraction.

Furthermore, he would never learn to read and write. Why waste any more time trying?

As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Jeremy. >From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Jeremy's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behind him.

"I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole class to hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red.

She stammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Jeremy. N-now please, take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically--all except for Jeremy. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment? Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Jeremy's parents.

The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk. After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs. In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm.

"That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out. The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too."

Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine." Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. She explained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Jeremy's she thought, and of course, he did not understand her instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents.

Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another. Suddenly, Jeremy spoke up.

"Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?"

Flustered, Doris replied, "But Jeremy, your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."

Time stopped. When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?"

"Oh, yes," Jeremy said, "Jesus was killed and put in there. Then His Father raised Him up."

The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later, Jeremy died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.

Thanks to Larry Barnes
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It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor!

Only it isn't seen as HUMOR, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE! If you
feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Y'all know who they are...

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You've never burned an American flag.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.

You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
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This story is so moving....just one of the many poignant stories that have been told about the monster tornado that hit Enterprise on March 1, 2007. May God bless us all with a heart as full of humility and compassion as our President.......and........may God bless you.....President Bush.
Starr

For those of you from outside Alabama, the town of Enterprise was hit by a tornado on March 1, 2007 during daylight hours and the high school was destroyed; 8 students were killed... The following e-mail was written by a young lady (Tammy) from the Enterprise area to her friend Joey, who apparently shared his e-mail message with a friend named Tina. Tina shared the story with my daughter.

I thought you might want to read this - I'm reasonably sure we won't see it on the evening news.........
________________________

Tina
This e-mail was written by someone in Enterprise. She is relaying a message told by an ABI officer who attends Ridgecrest Baptist Church in Enterprise. The officer was with President Bush when he visited.
___________________________
Joey,
There is a man at Ridgecrest who is an ABI officer. He got up last night and told us about having the honor of being paired with one of the secret service men who were with President Bush Saturday in Enterprise. He said when they started walking through the rubble at the school they came upon four students waiting for the President. They were in an area where on the floor there was a emblem that read EHS Class of 65. When the President approached the students he asked which one of you is the president (I assume president of the student body)? One of the girls kind of raised her hand and said I am then she hung her head and started to cry. President Bush wrapped his arms around her and the other three joined them. Barry, the ABI officer said President Bush started to cry and said "It's tough being the president isn't it." Barry said he talked with them a little longer. He said he was very close to the President but couldn't hear every word that was spoken, but he could tell that the President was quoting scripture. After a while the President started walking again and said he wanted the emblem preserved whatever it took. The Mayor then spoke up and said they would take care of it and President Bush turned to him and said "I was speaking to the President." I bet that the Mayor closed his mouth then!!! and then President Bush said "by the way where are my children"? The four students who were lagging behind came running up to him and walked the rest of the way over to the church with him. The media were sent to a different area Barry said. When President Bush got inside the church to meet with the families of those that had been killed the secret serviceman turned to Barry and said this is as far as we go. This is his time with them. Barry then asked him if the President was protected and the secret servicemen said yes, he is protected, but not by us. Barry could hardly contain himself as he was telling us this last night. He said he told the secret service man that he wished everyone could witness what he just did then they could see that the most powerful man in the United States was just another human being, a father, a comforter, a friend and had true compassion for these people. However the media does not portrait that, big surprise! Of course I don't tell this story with the humility that Barry did because he was there, but I thought you might like to hear it. You might want to share it with Paul and Kim.

Thanks to Greg McDaniel
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 34 --- 10 Apr 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com
------------------------------------------------------------

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: Hard Drive Failures / GRE Updates

Howdy, y'all, and greetings once again from deep behind the orange curtain in beautiful Irvine, California, where Novgorod forces led by Alexander Nevsky rebuffed an invasion attempt by the Teutonic Knights.

+---------------------------------------+

I apologize for my recent absence. Your fearless bus driver was busy cramming for the GRE and speaking at the Illinois Technology Conference for Educators, Northwest Council for Computer Education conference, and Michigan Association for Computer Users in Learning conference. Oh, and I went to Disneyland too. But I'm back. :)

--------------------------------------
What really causes hard drives to fail
Audience: Everyone
--------------------------------------

Conventional wisdom states that the more you use your hard drive -- or, for that matter, the hotter your hard drive gets -- the more likely it is to crash. That certainly sounds plausible, but is it true? According to Google, the answer is a resounding "NO!"

How would Google know? Well, remember that when you use Google to search the internet you aren't really searching the internet. You're searching Google's copy of the internet, the files that Google's spiders [a.k.a., "Googlebots"] find, vacuum up, and send back to the Google mother ship. To store all of this data, Google uses a gozillion hard drives [100,000 or more] in its data centers scattered around the world. And like any well-run data center, Google's data centers constantly monitor and record data on the health status of every hard drive.

Google employees Eduardo Pinheiro, Wolf-Dietrich Weber, and Luiz Andre Barroso gathered in-depth data from over 100,000 disk drives deployed throughout Google and discovered that

* Contrary to previously reported results, there is very little correlation between failure rates and either elevated temperature or activity levels.

* However, some SMART parameters (scan errors, reallocation counts, offline reallocation counts, and probational counts) have a HUGE impact on hard drive failure probability.

* Given the lack of occurrence of predictive SMART signals on a large fraction of failed drives, it is unlikely that an accurate predictive failure model can be built based on these signals alone.

Google's complete report, titled "Failure Trends in a Large Disk Drive Population", is a 241 KB, 13 page Adobe Acrobat file that you can download at

http://216.239.37.132/papers/disk_failures.pdf

The bad news is that this report reads a bit like stereo instructions. If you aren't a techie, skip the PDF and check out Gizmodo's or StorageMojo's summaries instead at

http://tinyurl.com/yw7db8
http://storagemojo.com/?p=378

Long story short: Most of what we know about hard drive failure rates and causes is wrong.

--------------------------------------------
Graduate Record Exams Updates
Audience: Educators and future grad students
--------------------------------------------

ETS canceled its plans to launch a revised Graduate Record Examinations (GRE) general test in September. This means that the current, 2.5 hour computer adaptive test format -- an argument essay, an issue essay, 30 verbal questions, and 28 quantitative questions -- will continue to be offered for the foreseeable future. You can read ETS' official announcement at

http://tinyurl.com/3yrqed

The GRE is commonly used for graduate school admissions in fields other than business [which uses the GMAT], law [which uses the LSAT], and medicine [which uses the MCAT]. ETS had planned to expand the GRE to a four hour test in September. The new test would have had two 40- minute verbal sections, two 40-minute quantitative sections, one experimental section, and two 30-minute analytical writing essays.
Ouch.

Talking about the GRE, in my December 5th post [which you can still find at http://tinyurl.com/36k7np ] I mentioned I was planning to take the GRE in the quixotic hope of getting into the Ed. D. program at USC. Well, I took the GRE in February and I am proud to announce that I scored a 1300 [660 verbal and 640 quantitative]. Despite my semi- weekly butchering of the English language in my Tourbus posts, my verbal score puts me in the 93rd percentile [only 7% of the test takers scored higher]. And credit for this score goes to fellow Tourbus riders Paul Kanarek and Drew Deutsch at the Princeton Review.
After reading my December 5th post, Kanarek and Deutsch let me test drive the Princeton Review's LiveOnline GRE test prep program at

http://tinyurl.com/38m5ex

LiveOnline offers 20-30 hours of interactive, self-paced online lessons and a mess of practice quizzes that help you prepare for almost anything the GRE will throw at you. Combine that with the Princeton Review's "Hit Parade" vocabulary list [which I wrote down on about 600 index cards], in-depth practice exercises, and the yummy pencil-shaped cookie you get for signing up, and you have a sure-fire way to boost your GRE score by several hundred points.

I'm not sure if my GRE score is high enough to get me into the USC Rossier School of Education's Ed. D. program -- this is, after all, *USC* -- but I owe Kanarek, Deutsch, and the rest of the folks at the Princeton Review a huge debt of gratitude.

+---------------------------------------+
Have a safe and happy week, and we'll talk again soon.
+---------------------------------------+

==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2007, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved
Be Smarter & Better Looking Than [-99.386579-] Percent of Users

The Best of Everything - http://www.InternetTourbus.com/best.html
Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the
Tourbus Home - http://www.InternetTourbus.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest

Albemarle Employees and Contractors - Steak & Bingo Dinner
Saturday, April 14, at the Magnolia Junior High School Cafeteria from 6:00–9:00 p.m.
~~~
Saturday, April 21/2007 and Sunday, April 22/2007, Defenders of Liberty Barksdale AFB Air Show. Gates Open at 9:am Special Performances by... F-15E Strike Eagle Demo, U.S. Army Black Daggers, Air Force Reserve’s Ed Hamill, C-17 Globemaster III Demo, Shockwave, Gene Soucy & Teresa Stokes, Wyche Coleman, Bill Stein, C-130, A-10, B-2, F-117, Tora 101, MiG-17
http://www.barksdaleafbairshow.com/index.html
~~~
19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.

Worker Dies In Plant Accident
North Dakota - A Hatton, N.D., man was killed Tuesday morning when he got caught in sunflower seed cleaning equipment at a processing plant in the Traill County town, said Sheriff Mike Crocker.

Time Warner worker dies after fall from ladder
Michael Billings, 50, suffered head injuries upon striking the pavement of a parking lot in the 9400 block of Interstate 35, the report stated.

Worker dies after fall from transmission tower
HARRODSBURG, Ky. -- Timothy R. Barker, 42, of Morehead, fell 60 to 70 feet Tuesday,

Federal agency investigating fatal injury at glass business
PAYNE, Ohio - Amanda Moriah Eanes of Payne was carrying a large piece of glass with another female employee with it slipped out of Ms. Eanes' hand and struck her neck, causing severe bleeding,.

Two Vineyard Workers Found Dead
Breaking news today out of Santa Barbara County.
It appears that Regelio Ruiz Reyes, 25, and Ramon Cisneros Acosta, 42, a foreman with the winery for 10 years, drowned in an irrigation basin attempting to clean a filtration system.

Hardware manager is slain in Maywood; Man served on Police and Fire Commission
Jeffrey Lowenthal, 53, Bahcall's longtime store manager, was fatally shot in an apparent armed robbery attempt about 5:30 p.m. Monday

CRASH KILLS NEWSPAPER CARRIER
Roanoke, VA -- Virginia State Police said Robert Bowen's 2007 Ford Fusion hit a patch of ice on Jackson River Road about 3 a.m. Bowen was not wearing a seat belt.

Truck driver killed in crash on Route 581 ramp
Harrisburg, PA -- Gerald F. Keever, 59, of Boas Street, was ejected from the truck when it flipped around 9: 30 a.m.

Sports bar to raise money for slain security guard
LA MIRADA, CA -- Reyes Armando Garcia of Pico Rivera was shot just before 10:30 p.m. Friday by one of a group of people who were refused entry into the sports bar because of their gang attire.

Sawmill worker snagged by blade and killed
St. Louis, MO -- Jose Garcia, 31, of Park Hills, reached inside a large machine at the H & H Sawmill about 10 a.m. to try to keep a saw from jamming; the turning blade snagged his clothing and dragged him in.

Worker killed at Nashville waste water plant
NASHVILLE Tenn. -- Ezequiel Resendiz, 22, of Bonita Springs, Fla., was crushed when a backhoe operator pushed a box of construction materials against the wall at the Dry Creek Waste Water Plant.

Truck driver killed in rollover near Roundup
BILLINGS Mont.-- 77-year-old Jesse Lacock Jr., of Saco, was pinned inside the truck and died at the scene.

Trucker dies in fiery wreck
Kansas City, MO -- The truck driver (An Gang, 48) was killed in the crash, which occurred on northbound I-435 near the I-35 split.

Cabbie shot to death in robbery setup, charges say
Brooklyn, NY -- Green and White driver Jim Moody arrived with no idea that he had driven into a trap laid by two gunmen who wanted his money, authorities said.

Texan falls to his death at Port of Shreveport-Bossier
TX - Authorities said they were unsure how far Anthony Shands fell. The 72-year-old Gilmer resident had been connecting cables on the 150-foot tower

Wharton County game warden shot and killed in high speed chase Friday night
PIERCE, TX - Texas Parks and Wildlife Game Warden Justin Hurst, who would have turned 34 today, was shot and killed following a high-speed chase.

Electrical Worker Dies After Equipment Fell On Him
GREENWOOD, Ind. -- Christopher Hartsock was replacing a transformer in Greenwood when he was trapped underneath a piece of equipment that had fallen on him.

Engineering firm worker dies from fall off high-rise
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - Ed Salvano, 57, was on the 14th floor of the Coral Ridge Towers East when his harness broke

Athens farm worker killed at crossing
AL - Gerald Dean Jernigan, 67, was using an Ag-Chem Terra-Gator to spread fertilizer on fields south of the railroad tracks at the time of the crash

Oil Field Worker Dies In Crash
NEOLA, UT - 29-year-old Thomas J. Starkey from Neola was heading toward Roosevelt on his way to work when he drifted off the road and crashed

Construction worker dies in trench collapse
CA - Daniel Contreras, 32, of Oxnard was standing in the 4-foot-deep trench about 8:50 a.m. when walls of loose dirt and shale fell in on him

Sheriff's deputy dies in car collision
CA - Deputy Manuel Villegas, 33, of Indio died at the scene

Roofer falls to his death after roof collapse
AL - Charles Michael Lammons, who was employed by Kiker Roofing & Sheet Metal Contractors of Mobile.

One dead, one injured in accident at mine
GLENFORD, OH — David Flowers, 44, of Somerset, died after some sort of mining accident

Fort Smith Police Officer Killed
AR - Thirty-three-year-old Officer Daniel C. Martinez was shot in the head last night and died later at a hospital.

Bridge worker dies in boating accident
PASS CHRISTIAN, MS — Steve Inscore, 47, of Wimberly, Texas, died in the Tuesday's crash, when the crewboat he was driving struck a barge just north of the construction site of the U.S. 90 bridge over the Bay of St. Louis.

Police ID Construction Worker Killed In Shooting
POMONA, Calif. - Carlos Edward Gonzalez, 18, of Huntington Park, was shot at Oak Street and Mission Boulevard

Construction accident leaves worker dead
LEXINGTON, SC – Pascual Francisco was declared dead at the scene of the accident,

Worker dies after falling
ROCK SPRINGS, MT - Leo Greyeyes, 49, of Kayenta, Ariz., fell Tuesday morning and died of head and chest trauma, according to Deputy County Coroner Travis Sanders.

OSHA probing worker’s fatal fall
NY - Jonathan Fundalinski died following a fall through an open stair shaft at the historic Webb Building at 92 Pearl St.

Store Manager Killed Trying To Stop Burglar
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- Mahmoud Mansour, tried to stop the man from escaping.

U.S. Forest Service officer killed in crash
BUCKLEY, Wash. – U.S. Forest Service Officer Shane Wyrsch was driving home on Highway 410 near Buckley Monday night when a pickup crossed the center line and slammed into him head-on.

Man Killed In Farming Accident
HENNESSEY, Okla. - Joe Charles Sedlak, 82, was found dead Monday evening about 10 miles east of Hennessey and three miles south of Oklahoma 51, officers said. He was apparently working the ground with the tractor when the accident happened.

Dallas officer dies in shootout
DALLAS, TX - Mark Timothy Nix, 33, who had been on the force nearly seven years, was declared dead at Parkland Memorial Hospital,

Man Dies After Fall Down Air Shaft

CLEVELAND, OH -- 28-year-old Jason Whitt was working on Thursday inside heating and cooling ducts when he fell four stories down a vertical shaft.

Police investigate death of construction worker
PLAINFIELD, Ill. - 49-year-old Karl Reed of Joliet was pronounced dead yesterday afternoon. Reed was struck by concrete that fell from a crane cable.

Second officer dies after Moncks Corner shooting
SC - 26-year-old Marcus Stiles died Monday morning. Forty-year-old Officer Lonnie Wells was killed Sunday afternoon.

Construction worker dies after falling from roof
GRAND RAPIDS TOWNSHIP, Mich. - Alvaro Mancera was pronounced dead today at a hospital in Grand Rapids.

Worker killed on job was everyone's favorite
MI - Don Witt always had a smile on his face and usually had a good joke to share. The 53-year-old Bailey man was the center of his family and a favorite of his co-workers. was killed Friday after the cap of a pressurized water pipe struck him in the chest

Fourth day on the job
AVALON, PA - A 35-year-old McKees Rocks-area man was killed Friday morning when he became trapped under a concrete slab Ivan Johnson died accidentally of asphyxiation from the barrier compressing his body.

Woodburn man dies in oil-tank explosion
OTHELLO, OR -- State and federal safety investigators identified the dead worker as Michael Taylor, 60, of Woodburn.

87-Year-Old Farmer Trampled To Death By His Cows
VERNAL, Utah - 87-year-old Cecil Holmes of Vernal died after two of the cows have calves and they become very protective and must have thought they were in danger.

Painter dies following industrial accident at UMass construction site
MA - Rejean Chicoine, 55, of Springfield was spray painting beams on a scissors aerial lift when he became lodged between a beam and the lift

OSHA launches investigation of fatal ADM plant accident
DECATUR, IL - Francisco Moreno Garcia, 26, suffered severe burns from steam. He had burns over 87 percent of his body

http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/2007/04/weekly-toll-death-in-american-workplace.html
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

01. Sgt. Forrest D. Cauthorn, 22, of Midlothian, Va., died April 5 in Hawijah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came into contact with enemy forces using small arms and grenades during combat operations. His death is under investigation.
He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

02. Spc. Jay S. Cajimat, 20, of Lahaina, Hawaii, died April 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device detonated near his unit. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 16th Infantry Regiment, 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The soldiers died from wounds suffered Apr. 4 in Taji, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas. Killed were:
03. Staff Sgt. Jerry C. Burge, 39, of Carriere, Miss.
04. Cpl. Joseph H. Cantrell IV, 23, of Ashland, Ky.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 4 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo. Killed were:
05. Spc. Walter Freeman Jr., 20, of Lancaster, Calif.
06. Pfc. Derek A. Gibson, 20, Eustis, Fla.

07. 1st Lt. Phillip I. Neel, 27, of Maryland, died April 8 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using grenades. His death is under investigation.
Neel was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

08. Spc. Conor G. Masterson, 21, of Inver Grove Heights, Minn., died April 7 in Eastern Afghanistan of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Masterson was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment, Hohenfels, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three sailors who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 6 from enemy action while conducting combat operations near Kirkuk, Iraq. Killed were:
09. Chief Petty Officer Gregory J. Billiter, 36, of Villa Hills, Ky.
10. Petty Officer 2nd Class Curtis R. Hall, 24, of Burley, Idaho.
11. Petty Officer 1st Class Joseph A. McSween, 26, of Valdosta, Ga.
All three sailors were assigned to Explosive Ordnance Disposal Unit Eleven, Whidbey Island, Wash.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 6 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 18th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Schweinfurt, Germany. Killed were:
12. Capt. Anthony Palermo, 26, of Brockton, Mass.
13. Spc. Ryan S. Dallam, 24, of Norman, Okla.
14. Pvt. Damian Lopez Rodriguez, Tucson, Ariz.

15. Sgt. Adam P. Kennedy, 25, of Norfolk, Mass., died April 8 in Diwaniyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered with his unit came in contact with enemy forces using indirect fire. Kennedy was assigned to the Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

16. Sgt. Todd A. Singleton, 24, of Muskegon, Mich., died April 8 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using an improvised explosive device and small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 5th Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

17. Cmdr. Philip A. Murphy-Sweet, 42, of Caldwell, Idaho, died April 7, as a result of enemy action in the vicinity of Baghdad. He was operationally assigned to Joint Contracting Command, Multi-National Force – Iraq and was deployed from his permanently assigned command of Naval Inventory Control Point, Mechanicsburg, Pa.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 8 in Baghdad, Iraq, when their unit came in contact with enemy forces using an improvised explosive device and small arms fire. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 69th Armor Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Benning, Ga. Killed were:
18. Staff Sgt. Harrison Brown, 31, of Prichard, Ala.
19. Pfc. David N. Simmons, 20, of Kokomo, Ind.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Apr. 7 in Zaganiyah, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their unit. They were assigned to the 5th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
20. Capt. Jonathan D. Grassbaugh, 25, of East Hampstead, N.H.
21. Spc. Ebe F. Emolo, 33, of Greensboro, N.C.
22. Spc. Levi K. Hoover, 23, of Midland, Mich.
23. Pfc. Rodney L. McCandless, 21, of Camden, Ark.

24. Staff Sgt. Jesse L. Williams, 25, of Santa Rosa, Calif., died April 8 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered from small arms fire while conducting combat operations in Baqubah, Iraq. Williams was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 20th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat Team), Fort Lewis, Wash.

25. Spc. Clifford A. Spohn III, 21, of Albuquerque, N.M., died Apr. 9 in Karmah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when the enemy attacked his location with indirect fire. Spohn was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 509th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

26. Pfc. Kyle G. Bohrnsen, 22, of Philipsburg, Mont., died April 10 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when his vehicle hit an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

27. Sgt. Raymond S. Sevaaetasi, 29, of Pago Pago, American Samoa, died April 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his vehicle struck an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 15th Brigade Support Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

28. Sgt. Raymond S. Sevaaetasi, 29, of Pago Pago, American Samoa, died April 11 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his vehicle struck an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 15th Brigade Support Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the death of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Apr. 9 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 17th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo. Killed were:
29. Spc. Ismael G. Solorio, 21, of San Luis, Ariz.
30. Pfc. Brian L. Holden, 20, of Claremont, N.C.
31. Pvt. Brett A. Walton, 37, of Hillsboro, Ore.

32. Cpl. Jason J. Beadles, 22, of La Porte, Ind., died April 12 in Baghdad, Iraq, of a non-combat related injury. The incident is under investigation. He was assigned to the 887th Engineer Company, 326th Engineer Battalion, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
~~
Ten Missing WWII Airmen are Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of ten U.S. servicemen, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and will be returned to their families for burial with full military honors.

They are 2nd Lt. Raymond A. Cooley, of Leary, Texas; 2nd Lt. Dudley R. Ives, of Ingleside, Texas; 2nd Lt. George E. Archer, of Cushing, Okla.; 2nd Lt. Donald F. Grady, of Harrisburg, Pa.; Tech. Sgt. Richard R. Sargent, of North Girard, Pa.; Tech. Sgt. Steve Zayac, of Cleveland, Ohio; Staff Sgt. Joseph M. King, of Detroit, Mich.; Staff Sgt. Thomas G. Knight, of Brookfield, Ill.; Staff Sgt. Norman L. Nell, of Tarkio, Mo.; and Staff Sgt. Blair W. Smith, of Nu Mine, Pa.; all U.S. Army Air Forces. The dates and locations of the funerals are being set by their families.

Representatives from the Army met with the next-of-kin of these men in their hometowns to explain the recovery and identification process and to coordinate interment with military honors on behalf of the secretary of the Army.

On April 16, 1944, a B-24 Liberator crewed by these airmen was returning to the aerodrome at Nadzab, New Guinea, after bombing enemy targets near Hollandia. The aircraft was altering course due to bad weather and was proceeding to the aerodrome at Saidor, but it never returned to friendly lines.

In late 2001, the U.S. Embassy in Papua New Guinea notified the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command that wreckage of a World War II bomber had been found in Morobe Province. Early the next year, a JPAC team surveyed the site and found aircraft wreckage and remains. They also collected more remains and Grady’s identification tag from local villagers who had found the items at the crash site.

Later in 2002, a JPAC team began excavating the crash site and recovered remains and crew-related items, including identification tags for Knight and Smith. The team was unable to complete the recovery, and another JPAC team re-visited the site two weeks later to complete the excavation. The team found additional remains and identification tags for Sargent and King.

Among dental records, other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from the JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA in the identification of the remains.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call (703) 699-1169.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
~~~
Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
~~~
MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
~~~
MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleat_q__.blogspot.com, where _ is the quarter (1, 2, 3, or 4) and __ is the year (05, 06, or 07). We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Panty Hose

Volume 9, Issue 14 Friday, April 06, 2007

Hello All,

NOTE: 1st Quarter "Bleat" posts can be found at www.bugbleat1q07.blogspot.com
~~~~~
We have “TriCaster”. Today, Stephen Burton, Joe Duff and I installed Magnolia Christian Center’s new “NewTek” TriCaster PRO™ Video Production System which offers simplified live switching and audio mixing, with real-time output to video, projector and the Internet. We also installed one of our new Panasonic AG-DV20 3-CCD mini-DV camcorders. The AG-DV20 is equipped with three 460,000-pixel CCDs, an optical 10X optical zoom and 500X digital zoom, and a digital electronic image stabilizer to compensate for jitter and vibration. Check out the results on SuddenLink’s Magnolia Channel 13 at 1:30 pm and 8:00 pm on Sundays.
[http://shop.newtek.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=24] [http://catalog2.panasonic.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ModelDetail?displayTab=O&storeId=11201&catalogId=13051&itemId=98187&catGroupId=14571&surfModel=AG-DVC20]
~~~~~
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-317591162016551876&q=39012 This is a Google video that I really enjoyed.
~~~~~
Jimmy is also working with Pastor Doug McAllister as a church planting intern for the next six months. Wednesday night, Jimmy preached at Pastor Doug's church. Pastor Doug told Jimmy that the bases were loaded, and Jimmy hit the ball out of the park for a 4 run homer.
~~~~~
This is a great web-site for Global Incidents. Just double click on the location and it will give you the news on the terrorist threat. http://www.globalincidentmap.com/home.php .
~~~~~
Greetings from Iraq:

Please click here for the latest "Rubs." [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/rubs-3.htm]

And here for "Tabula Rasa." [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/tabula-rasa.htm]

Still slugging it out with our Public Relations people here, but our combat troops are worth the struggle. A new dispatch called "Desires of the Human Heart" is in the works, featuring the 1-4 Cavalry from Fort Riley, Kansas, in action in Baghdad. It includes more than 100 photographs, many of which were made in the past 7 days at a bible college in downtown Baghdad.

I'll be heading out with our British allies in Basra for a couple of weeks.

After that, it's out with our Marines in Anbar for as long as they will take me, until I get hurt or killed, or until I've seen enough. This site is 100% dependent on reader support.

Have a great week.

Michael
[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/]
~~~~~
Leo Baranek was first a Acoustical Professor and then later his company did the initial design on the Internet. - very interesting. Sound and Vibration Jan 2007 issue has an article written by Leo Beranek of BBN about the origin of the internet. It should be of interest to those involved in using the network for audio distribution. I was reading up on Class A Internet addresses on a flight the other day and was surprised to see that BBN has two (of about 40 total). They are in good company with General Motors, Apple, IBM, AT&T, and the military. It's fascinating that the Net has roots so closely tied to the audio industry.

Claiborne

Great article! It is available on-line at http://www.sandv.com/home.htm
~~~~~
MapQuest Gas Prices, Pretty Cool http://gasprices.mapquest.com
~~~~~
If you’d like to write Dr. Antoon, he’d like to hear from you. This is his current address, the latest of the three federal prison’s he’s been in.
Patrick Antoon #06669-010
Federal Prison Camp-La Tuna
P. O. Box 8000
Anthony, NM/TX 88021
~~~~~
The photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include our latest 40 Hour HazWOpER class and the Columbia County Library “Blossom Festival” Mural gets a face lift.
~~~~~
Don’t forget to check out www.mcc2000.net
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
www.aaa.com Regular
Current Avg. $ 2.60
http://www.fuelgaugereport.com/
Albemarle Employee’s pump $2.55
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - Baby Artichokes with Lemon Garlic Vinaigrette Courtesy of Gourmet Magazine
Show: Cooking Live - - Episode: Budget Cook Along 88: Tunisia


24 baby artichokes
Juice of ½ lemon
Dressing:
3 cloves garlic, smashed into a paste with the flat of a knife
4 tablespoons lemon juice
3 tablespoons chopped parsley
3/4 cup tablespoons olive oil
Salt and pepper


Shortly before cooking, rotate each baby artichoke against the blade of a very sharp stainless steel paring knife to trim off the outermost layer of leaves. Cut off the stems level with the bottom of the artichoke, and cut off and discard the top half. Toss in lemon juice to keep them from darkening.
Put the trimmed artichokes in a nonaluminum pot with enough cold water to cover them by about 1-inch. Place a small plate directly on the artichokes -- in the pan -- to keep them submerged. Bring to a simmer over high heat. Turn the heat to low and keep the artichokes at a bare simmer for about 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, make the vinaigrette. Combine the garlic, lemon juice and parsley. Whisk in oil. Season with salt and pepper.
Poke the artichokes with a paring knife to test for doneness. Should feel like a slightly underdone boiled potato. When done, drain and pour vinaigrette over them.


Recipe Summary
Difficulty: Easy
Yield: 4 side servings

http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/recipes/recipe/0,1977,FOOD_9936_2549,00.html
~~~~~
BreakPoint
With Chuck Colson

Echoes of Good Friday
4/6/2007
Sacrificial Love

Two years ago on Easter I spent the day as I always do, preaching the Gospel in prison. Afterward I visited those in solitary, including a man I will call Richard, who would face his execution in just five short days.

There is something a bit surreal about talking face to face with a man who knows he is going to die. There is a heaviness about the room and, in this case, also a very palpable sense of evil. In fact, I have never felt the assault of evil as strongly as I did in that place.

I shared the Gospel and my own testimony with Richard, but found him very resistant. Every time Richard would throw out an objection, I would knock it down. Intellectually astute, Richard had reasoned himself into a fortress that barred faith as even a possibility. It was as hard as I had ever worked to persuade someone, and I left feeling drained and discouraged.

But God was not finished. As a result of that visit, the warden allowed something highly unprecedented: He allowed a fellow inmate, Mickey, to visit Richard and speak with him before his execution.

Mickey faced a life sentence but had discovered in prison a freedom through the Gospel of Christ that Richard had not yet experienced.

Taking a seat across a table, Mickey looked into Richard’s eyes. Richard’s face was emotionless. Mickey breathed a prayer and began by sharing the simple facts of the Gospel and how it had changed his life. But Richard remained stoic. Talking with Richard “felt like beating my head against a wall,” recalls Mickey.

At a loss, Mickey offered one final thought: “Richard, I wish I could take your place on Friday.”

For the first time since their conversation began, the stoicism on Richard’s face melted. In its place, a look of shock swept over him.

Mickey continued, “You see, Richard, I know where my soul’s going when I leave this world. You don’t yet have that assurance of salvation. I wish I could give you just a little more time.”

Once Mickey was back in his own cell, he cried. He felt like he had let God down. But soon Mickey heard God’s gentle reassurance that he had done exactly what he had been asked to do.

What Mickey said to Richard strikes a real chord with me, because more than thirty years ago, I myself stood condemned and imprisoned. I will never forget when my friend and then-congressman Al Quie sincerely offered to take my place in prison. Imagine my reaction!

But then, imagine the astonishment of a prisoner at Auschwitz named Franciszek. Chosen by the Nazi camp commandant to die in the death chamber, Franciszek was spared when a Polish priest named Maximilian Kolbe offered to take his place. Father Kolbe willingly laid down his life so that another might live.

In Congressman Quie’s offer, as in Father Kolbe’s martyrdom and in Mickey’s wish for Richard, I hear the echo of the first Good Friday: Christ taking our place on the cross, laying down His life so that a condemned people might live.

May Christ’s love, displayed on the cross, continue to astonish us. And may His sacrifice inspire us to follow in His footsteps.

Death on a Friday Afternoon: Meditations on the Last Words of Jesus by Richard John Neuhaus.

For Further Reading and Information

BreakPoint Commentary No. 060414, “Secrets, Lies, and the Resurrection: Demonstrating the Truth of Easter.”

BreakPoint Commentary No. 980413, “Trading Places: The Death of Maximilian Kolbe.”

Roberto Rivera, “The Truth about Everything: Death on a Friday Afternoon,” BreakPoint Online, 8 April 2004.

Paul Johnson, “A Historian Looks at Jesus,” BreakPoint Online, 1986.

Regis Nicoll, “The Centrality of the Cross,” BreakPoint Online, 14 April 2006.

Allan Dobras, “Doubts Resurrected,” BreakPoint Online, 13 April 2006.

The BreakPoint Web site and BreakPoint WorldView Magazine feature Colson’s commentaries as well as feature articles by other established and up-and-coming writers to equip readers with a biblical perspective on a variety of issues and topics.
© 2004-2006 Prison Fellowship
~~~~~
Words of the Week:

rriviste: an upstart.
errant: wandering; deviating from an appointed course, or from a direct path; roving.
tenet: any opinion, principle, or doctrine held to be true.
deign: to condescend.
clarion: a kind of trumpet; also, loud and clear.
sedition: incitement of rebellion against lawful authority.
from Dictionary.Com

~~~~~
"We defend and we build a way of life, not for America alone, but for all mankind." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"You may fool all the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all the time; but you can't fool all of the people all the time. - Abraham Lincoln

"If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me." - W. H. Auden

"Most of us love from our need to love, not because we find someone deserving." - Nikki Giovanni

"Just as the right to speak and the right to refrain from speaking are complementary components of a broader concept of individual freedom of mind, so also the individual's freedom to choose his own creed is the counterpart of his right to refrain from accepting the creed established by the majority." - John Paul Stevens

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist fears this is true." - James Branch Cabell

"The greatest cunning is to have none at all." - Carl Sandburg
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

# Youth Worker Winkie Pratney's Health Improving—although More Surgery is Needed
# Good Friday in Jerusalem
# Why They Carry the Cross
# Church "Switchers" Driven by Content and Not Denomination

# Rick Warren Defends God against Atheist Challenger
# Texas to Vote on Legislation to Have Bible Taught as Elective in Public Schools
# New UK Survey Shows One in Seven Attend Church Regularly—Three Million More Would Attend Church if Invited
# Teens on Motorcycles Take Ministry to Africa

# Small Town Sacrifices in War on Terror: British Reporter Sees Side of America Often Overlooked
# On Eagles' Wings® Team Praise Report from Spring Break Outreach Trip
# Hollywood Could Become More Christian-friendly, if Christians Became More Hollywood-friendly
# Inspired by the Passion of the Christ, Two U.K. Christians Start Film Company in England

# Prayer Alert: Winkie Pratney, Well-Known Minister to Young People around the World, in Serious Condition in South Korean Hospital
# College Coach Obeys His Conscience—Resigns After School Removes Religious Messages from Baseball Field
# Judge Rules that a Student's Personal Fliers about Jesus are within Her Rights of Free Speech
# French Architect Says He Solved Mystery of How the Great Pyramid was Built: from the Inside Out

# Solomon Island Tsunami Prompts State of Emergency
# Newsweek Poll Finds: 9 out of 10 Americans Believe in God—Almost Half Reject Evolution
# 24-Hour Prayer Groups Setting up Prayer Tents on College Campuses
# President Honors African-American Airmen—Offers Gesture of Atonement

# Discovery of First Temple Wall Strengthens Claim to Site of King David's Palace
# Christian Leaders Ask for Forgiveness in Israel's Knesset
# British Cardinal Levels Warning—Doesn't Back Down From Intrusive Government Intervention
# "The Bible-Is-Reel" Contest Challenges Teens to Create Reality TV with Bible Characters

# Actor Alec Baldwin, Moved by Young Soldier's Story, Offers to Pay Her Education
# Latest Update from Iris Ministries
# Government Leader Suggests Persecuted Christians Fleeing From Middle East be Given Priority in Immigrating to Australia
# Former U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft Discusses Religion and Politics "Good-Naturedly" with Syracuse Students

Breaking Christian News
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GCF: Panty Hose

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Andrew) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! A smile will enhance the quality of your life. SUBSCRIBE and UNSUBSCRIBE INFO for Good Clean Fun is at the end of this email. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus before it was sent.
-----------------------------------------------------

A little boy went to the store with his grandmother and on the way home, he was looking at the things she had purchased. He found a package of panty hose and began to sound out the words "QUEEN SIZE." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "Look Granny, you wear the same size as our bed!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Tales of Heroes

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Conrad) -Tom
-----------------------------------------------------

Down at the Veteran's Hospital, a trio of old timers ran out of tales of their own heroic exploits and started bragging about their ancestors. "My great grandfather, at age 13," one declared proudly, "was a drummer boy at Shiloh."

"Mine," boast another, "went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn."

"I'm the only soldier in my family," confessed vet number three, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."

"What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.

"Nothing much. But he would be 185 years old."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Jury Duty 5

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Patti) -Tom
-----------------------------------------------------

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman.

After several questions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" There was an awkward silence.

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Newspaper Ad

Found posted in a humor newsgroup (rec.humor.funny). -Tom
-----------------------------------------------------

The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake.

MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.

TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 PM."

WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale -- R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."

THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Everything I Need to Know, I Learned From My Dog

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Liddy) -Tom
-----------------------------------------
Dogs teach us many things .....

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout ... run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle
them gently.
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't be irreplaceable. \ /
\ _/ If you can't be replaced, \_ /
/ / you can't be promoted. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Some days you're the dog, \ /
\ _/ some days you're the hydrant." \_ /
/ / -- Unknown \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is always free \ /
\ _/ cheese in a mousetrap. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / How do "Keep off the grass" \ /
\ _/ signs get where they are? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )______________________( \_| \\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / People will accept your ideas \ /
\ _/much more readily if you tell them \_ /
/ / that Benjamin Franklin said it first. \ \
_ ____________________________ _
| Thomas S. Ellsworth |
| tellswor@slonet.org |
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor |
|___________________________|
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile! To join Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.Com To leave Good Clean Fun, email: good-clean-fun-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.Com Or visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www. slonet.org/~tellswor/
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[GCFL.net] Do Not Talk to My Parrot

anda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check.

"Oh, by the way, don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest-looking bulldog he had ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling and name calling. Finally, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Beef Prices

It's a summer holiday weekend, and a man walks into a butcher shop that has a sign in the window saying, "Ground Sirloin: 29 cents per pound."

The man says, "I'm having a cookout this weekend. I'd like five pounds of your ground sirloin, please."

The butcher shakes his head and says, "Sorry. I'm all out."

The man, disappointed, goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"

The proprietor replies, "It's $3.29 per pound."

"Three twenty nine!?!" exclaims the customer. "Just up the street, the butcher sells it for 29 cents!"

The butcher smiles calmly at the gentleman and asks, "Does he have any?"

"No. He's out of it right now."

"Well," says the butcher, "when I don't have any, I can sell it for 19 cents per pound!"

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Who Can Hit the Softest?

A friend of mine came up to me one day and said to me, "Let's play a game. Let's play who can hit the softest."

Thinking it would be along the lines of a tickling contest, I said, "Okay."

I was allowed to go first, so I edged up and barely touched my friend's arm with the tip of my finger. My friend responded with balling his fist, hitting me with all his strength, and saying, "I lose."

Received from Brandon V..

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Military Man

A career military man, who had retired as a Master Sergeant, was telling the new recruits how he handled officers during his years of service.

"It didn't matter a hoot if he was a full bird colonel, Major General, an Admiral, or what! I always told those guys exactly where to get off."

"Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?"

"Elevator operator in the Pentagon."

Received from Pastor Tim.

(-:][:-)

[GCFL.net] Fire Test

Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. He asked little Joey, "What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?"

Joey replied promptly, "I don't put them on."

Received from Steve Sanderson.

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy:

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, will burn you tomorrow.

Thanks to David Lamb
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One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweat-shirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use o n the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I re plied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma .'
And they say blondes are dumb...
------------------ -----------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'
------------------ -----------------------------------------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, 'honey , what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
------------------ -----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
------------------ -----------------------------------------
A man and his wife , now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished that his wife was 30 years younger...

Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
------------------ -----------------------------------------
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
------------------ -----------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
------------------ -----------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
------------------ -----------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manuals'

Thanks to Jeanette Ford
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Welcome to You Make Me Laugh, a free newsletter from Crosswalk.com, the world's largest Christian website.

*Bishop's Role*

We were celebrating the 100th anniversary of our church, and several former pastors and the bishop were in attendance. At one point, our minister had the children gather at the altar for a talk about the importance of the day. He began by asking, "Does anyone know what the bishop does?"

There was silence.

Finally, one little boy answered gravely, "He's the one you can move diagonally."

(-:][:-)

*Fish Heads*

A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

(-:][:-)

*Kissing Son*

I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and his girlfriend. It was in the middle of the dinner rush, and many customers were restless at the long wait, but the young couple, holding hands and kissing, were oblivious to everything around them.

Although clearly not approving, the mother was silent until one prolonged kiss when the young man had his face and hands buried in his girlfriend's long, curly locks.

"Do you have to do that here?" the embarrassed mother asked.

"I'm not doing anything, Mom," came her son's muffled voice. "My earring's caught in her hair."

(-:][:-)

*Young Dressing*

When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks.

A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look twenty, maybe even thirty years younger."

(-:][:-)

*Banking Hiccup*

While waiting in line at the bank, a coworker developed a very loud case of hiccups. By the time he reached the teller's window, the hiccups seemed to have worsened. The teller took my friend's check and proceeded to run a computer verification of his account. After a minute she looked up from her terminal with a frown and said that she would be unable to cash his check.

"Why not?" my friend asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, sir," she replied, "but our computer indicates that you do not have sufficient funds to cover this amount. As a matter of fact," she continued, "our records show your account overdrawn in excess of $5000."

"It CAN'T be!" he cried. "You have GOT to be kidding!"

"Yes, I am," she answered with a big smile, counting out his cash. "But you will notice that your hiccups are gone."

(-:][:-)

Eye Laugh

"Sal's Disappointment"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw371

"12 Disciples"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw374

"Play Danger"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw377

"Motorcycle Sleepover"
http://www.cybersalt.org/go.php?id=cw378

"Pelican Pick Up"
http://www.cybersalt.org/g06.php?id=171

(-:][:-)

-=+=-
Daily devotionals are available at http://link.Crosswalk.Com/UM/T.asp?A1. 39. 17757. 1. 494611 You can access more information on Crosswalk's Fun page http://www.Crosswalk.Com/fun/! Crosswalk gives credit to the author of a joke when author is known. Feel free to send notification to admin@cybersalt.org in cases where credit has not been given to the author! -SUBSCRIPTION INFO- * Copyright2004 Crosswalk.Com, Inc. and its Content Providers. All rights reserved. Introducing www.Crossguide.Com Where Christians find Products, Services & Ministries.
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"Don't strive for recognition, but work for achievement." -- Vanessa Malone
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/guiltsprings.html

Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don't read women's magazines. Every March and April they're packed with "clean up and organize your life" articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action -- Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We'll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I'd rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow.

Why do magazines publish these pieces? Because every spring millions of women have the same Pavlovian response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in sight and, in a fit of post-New Year's resolution fervor, vow to Martha Stewartize their homes.

Do these articles help? Do they unlock the sacred secret of "eat off your basement floor" womanhood? Hahahahahahaha. Pardon me -- I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were serious.

The stories all share one fatal flaw ... aside from the fact that they relate to housework. The problem is (pause for drum roll) they are all the same article.

It's hard to believe, but true. While humor writers are expected to vary their humor at least slightly from piece to piece, authors specializing in the spring cleaning genre recycle the same 100 or so tips year after year after year. In fact, the "get your act together you slob" piece that you devoured while waiting for the supermarket patron in front of you to finish picking lint off $79.77 in pennies, dates all the way back to prehistoric times.

Just a month ago archaeologists, who were excavating a cave in southern France, discovered a minute remnant of what they believe to be the world's first spring cleaning piece. The few words they managed to unearth are as vital today as they were way back in the Mesozoic Era: "Hose down dinosaur dung." In fact, those exact words appeared in several magazines sold this very year. Sadly, though, the original author had a lousy lawyer and never got a nickel in royalties.

Moreover, Biblical historians are convinced that the Old Testament contained at least two chapters filled with spring cleaning counsel. Alas, only a small fragment remains: "Slaughter Red Sea stains with..." If only we knew what came next.

Throughout the years women have dominated the spring cleaning literature, and men didn't stand a chance of breaking in. In fact Shakespeare is said to have never recovered from the rejection of his "To Clean or Not To Clean. That is the Question."

While Shakespeare was forced to explore other writing avenues, women's writing has always bloomed with the cleaning rites of spring. Who can forget Louisa May Alcott's charming novel which begins "Springtime won't be springtime without cleaning supplies." Or Dorothy Parker's "Men rarely make whoopee with girls who look goopy."

Speaking of men, just once I'd like to see a spring cleaning piece in a men's magazine. Until I do, I refuse to let a magazine article induce me to scrub, mop, or sweep. And if I ever have the impulse to clean my house, I'll go to my book shelves and study the classics. In fact, I'm going to do just that ... just as soon as I finish dusting my books.

-----------------------------------------------------------

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
1st Published Midwest Today Magazine

http://www.madkane.com
http://www.madkane.com/notable.html (Notables Weblog)
http://www.madkane.com/bush.html (Dubya's Dayly Diary)
Subscribe to MadKane Humor Newsletter (weekly) here:
http://www.madkane.com/email.html
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This is a statement that was read over the PA system at the football game at Roane County High School, Kingston, Tennessee, by school Principal, Jody McLeod.

"It has always been the custom at Roane County High School football games, to say a prayer and play the National Anthem, to honor God and Country." Due to a recent ruling by the Supreme Court, I am told that saying a Prayer is a violation of Federal Case Law.

As I understand the law at this time, I can use this public facility to approve of sexual perversion and call it "an alternate lifestyle," and if someone is offended, that's OK.
I can use it to condone sexual promiscuity, by dispensing condoms and calling it, "safe sex." If someone is offended, that's OK.
I can even use this public facility to present the merits of killing an unborn baby as a "viable means of birth control." If someone is offended, no problem...
I can designate a school day as "Earth Day" and involve students in activities to worship religiously and praise the goddess "Mother Earth" and call it "ecology."
I can use literature, videos and presentations in the classroom that depicts people with strong, traditional Christian convictions as "simple minded" and "ignorant" and call it "enlightenment."

However, if anyone uses this facility to honor GOD and to ask HIM to Bless this event with safety and good sportsmanship, then Federal Case Law is violated.
This appears to be inconsistent at best, and at worst, diabolical. Apparently, we are to be tolerant of everything and anyone, except GOD and HIS Commandments.

Nevertheless, as a school principal, I frequently ask staff and students to abide by rules with which they do not necessarily agree. For me to do otherwise would be inconsistent at best, and at worst, hypocritical... I suffer from that affliction enough unintentionally. I certainly do not need to add an intentional transgression.

For this reason, I shall "Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's," and refrain from praying at this time.

"However, if you feel inspired to honor, praise and thank GOD and ask HIM, in the name of JESUS, to Bless this event, please feel free to do so. As far as I know, that's not against the law----yet."

One by one, the people in the stands bowed their heads, held hands with one another and began to pray.
They prayed in the stands. They prayed in the team huddles. They prayed at the concession stand and they prayed in the Announcer's Box!
The only place they didn't pray was in the Supreme Court of the United States of America - the Seat of "Justice" in the "one nation, under GOD."

Somehow, Kingston, Tennessee remembered what so many have forgotten. We are given the Freedom OF Religion, not the Freedom FROM Religion. Praise GOD that HIS remnant remains!
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| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
April 5, 2007
Easter 2007 Road Safety Campaign

As Easter approaches many of us will be planning road trips to take advantage of the holiday break. Whether you are travelling away or staying close to home, take care on the roads this Easter. Don’t drive when you are tired.

The Easter 2007 Road Safety campaign message comes from Emergency Services, people who are all too familiar with the terrible effects of road trauma on everyone involved including the victims, their families and friends and passers-by who stop to help. Don't let our faces be the last you ever see!

Like everyone else they would love to spend Easter with families and friends - relaxing and enjoying all the wonderful things the holiday has to offer. But they know only too well how quickly the best of holidays can go badly wrong, leaving families devastated and lives shattered.

A fatal crash affects not just the victims, their families and friends, but also people who stop to help and the emergency workers themselves.

Their message to the wider community is simple -

'Just drive safely and always wear your seatbelt!'
_________________________________
| Safety from the Heart |
-----------------------------------------------------
April 4, 2007

Lame Ladder Techniques

We are big fans of ladders, because we have too often seen the results of not having them

For the record, the “Not-A-Step” isn’t just that little platform at the top of the side opposite the ladder treads.

From the Naval Safety Center website.
http://www.safetycenter.navy.mil/photo/default.htm
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| Safety from the Heart |
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APRIL 3, 2007
Easter Egg Safety

Inspect eggs prior to purchasing them. Make sure they are not dirty or cracked. Dangerous bacteria can enter a cracked egg. Store eggs in their original carton in the refrigerator and use them within three weeks.

Cooking eggs (American Egg Board recommendations)
Place eggs in single layer in a saucepan and fill with water one inch above the eggs.
Cover the pan and bring to boil. Turn off heat. (Remove from heat to prevent further boiling.)
Let eggs stand, covered, in the hot water for 15 minutes.

Cooling eggs
Water cool: Immediately run cold water over eggs or place them in ice water until completely cooled, then refrigerate.

Dyeing eggs
Eggs should reach room temperature or below prior to dyeing.
Do not handle eggs excessively, and wash your hands thoroughly when you handle them.
Do not color eggs whose shells crack during cooking.
Use food coloring or food-grade dyes if they will be eaten.
Refrigerate eggs after coloring until they are to be hidden.

Hiding eggs
Use hard-cooked eggs within one week.
Avoid areas where eggs may come in contact with pets, wild animals, insects or lawn chemicals.
Refrigerate eggs after they have been hidden and found again.
Don’t eat eggs with cracked shells or eggs that have been out of the refrigerator for more than two hours.

http://www.lanl.gov/orgs/pa/newsbulletin/2004/04/07/Safety_tip_easter.html
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Our Church, Magnolia Christian Center, has the following mission statement. Our purpose is to build a great church for the glory of God through the great commission and the great commandment. MCC' Vision - That MCC will be a place hopping with children, energized with teenagers, balanced with diversity and transformed by the power of God! We want to turn uninterested people into interested people and win the lost to make fully devoted followers of Christ. www.mcc2000.net
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Volume 12, Number 33 --- 2 Apr 2007
Tourbus Home -- http://www.InternetTourbus.com

TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPICS: TV Tech / Blu-Ray / Voice Recognition

In today's TOURBUS, we'll dive into the junction of computers and entertainment technology. After de-geekify-ing your TV buying decision, we'll answer the question "Can I Use My TV as a Computer Monitor?" A discussion of Blu-Ray and how it affects you when you buy your next movie, video player, television, game system or PC comes next. We'll cover Online Backup services and then wrap with an intro to Voice Recognition systems. Read on!

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Which TV Should You Buy?
--------------------------

So you're in the market for a new TV... but all those techno buzzwords have your head spinning? What's the difference between Flat Screen and Flat Panel? Should you go for CRT, LCD, HDTV? And what about Plasma -- will it stain the rug?

Read on to de-mystify all those TV tech terms and see my specific recommendations for the TV in each category that's best for you...

http://askbobrankin.com/which_tv_should_i_buy.html

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Using Your TV as a Computer Monitor
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With the advent and ever-growing popularity of LCD displays, the older CRT (cathode ray tube) television display has seen its day. But just imagine... putting that big old television to good use as a secondary, or even primary, monitor for your computer.

How would your Windows or Mac desktop look on a 30, 40 or 50-inch display? The thought has certainly crossed the minds of many a technophile. There are a variety of ways to hook up your CRT or LCD television to a computer, but there are pros, cons and workarounds to consider. Here's the scoop on how to make it work for you...

http://askbobrankin.com/tv_as_computer_monitor.html

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What is Blu-Ray?
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A reader lost in the electronics department wrote and asked me:

"I've seen ads for movies on Blu-Ray discs but I'm not sure what it means. What is Blu-Ray and how is it different from a regular DVD disc? Do I need a special player to view a Blu-Ray disc?"

Think about Blu-Ray as an advanced version of a DVD disc. Blu-Ray optical discs can store large amounts of data, which makes them good for high-definition video. Compared to a DVD disc, a Blu-Ray disc can hold about 5 times more data. But when it comes to the future of video formats, Blu-Ray is not the only whale in the fish tank.

Read on to learn more about the Blu-Ray Versus HD-DVD conflict, and how it will affect your decisions when it comes to buying movies, video players and televisions.

http://askbobrankin.com/what_is_bluray.html

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Online Backup
---------------

What's the best option for backing up your files? Magnetic tapes, a pile of CD-ROMs, an external hard drive? Conventional backups stored on-site may be damaged or destroyed by theft, fire or flood. And because technology and entropy both march onward, every few years you'll need to create a new backup (or a backup of your backups) using the latest physical storage device. And that costs money and time.

Online backup systems can help you solve these problems. Learn how to backup by uploading your files to a server on the Internet. Here is my review of five popular online backup services, and the skinny on how to backup your data for free.

http://askbobrankin.com/online_backup.html

If online backup doesn't suit your fancy, or if you failed to backup and lost some files, check out these articles as well:
http://askbobrankin.com/backing_up_your_files.html
http://askbobrankin.com/recover_deleted_files.html

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Voice Recognition Software
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Didja ever notice that Captain Kirk never had to fuss with a mouse or keyboard to communicate with the computer on Star Trek? He simply spoke his commands at the machine, and the computer complied. Happily, voice recognition technology has moved from the bridge of the Starship Enterprise to your home computer.

Though it may seem like a futuristic notion, voice computing or speech recognition has been around for over a decade, and is still a rapidly evolving technology. Here's how to get started with voice computing...

http://askbobrankin.com/voice_recognition.html

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That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
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==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]==
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238 Copyright 1995-2005, Rankin & Crispen - All rights reserved Tourbus News Service - http://tourbus.com/news.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Website - http://www.TOURBUS.com
========================
.~~~. ))
(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ -' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
---..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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Activities and Events of Interest

19th Annual Magnolia Blossom Festival & World Championship Steak Cook-Off
May 18 - May 19, 2007
~~~
The Emancipation Proclamation will be on display at the Clinton Library September 22-25, 2007.
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"September 11 WDYTJWD" W. P. Florence
Justice first, then peace."
"September 11" Never forget.--Tony Moses
"ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...the only way"--Phillip Story
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"Keeping my head down but face toward Heaven" - - Jody Eldred, ABC News Cameraman in Kuwait
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Weekly Toll - - http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
A partial list of workplace fatalities.


Man Killed After Truck Driver Allegedly Jumps From Cab

Searcy, AR - If you commute into the state's capital city from the Searcy area, you ran into quite a roadblock Friday morning. Highway 67-167 was closed for hours after two tractor-trailers collided. One person was killed. It happened just before 7 a.m. Friday. The highway was closed for nearly five hours. The accident happened right in the heart of Searcy, at exit 44. Southbound traffic was diverted around the scene straight into the city. The accident killed 28-year-old Charles Inloes Jr. of Batesville. He was hauling 80,000 pounds of empty glass bottles. Police say long skid marks indicate he hit the brakes hard.


Border agents killed in crash

LAS CRUCES, NM — Two U.S. Border Patrol agents were killed Thursday night while on duty after their patrol vehicle rolled several times on a scarcely traveled highway in southwest New Mexico. The single-vehicle crash occurred on N.M. Highway 338 near Cotton City, between Animas and Interstate 10, 20 to 30 miles southwest of Lordsburg in Hidalgo County. The agents were assigned to the Border Patrol's Lordsburg station. Their names were not released pending family notification. But news of the tragedy spread among friends who described one of the men, a 24-year-old brand-new agent from Pennsylvania, as smart, likable and dedicated to his job.


Texan falls to his death at Port of Shreveport-Bossier

Shreveport, TX - A Texas man fell to his death Friday morning while working on a communications tower at the Port of Shreveport-Bossier in an unincorporated area of southeast Caddo. Authorities said they were unsure how far Anthony Shands fell. The 72-year-old Gilmer resident had been connecting cables on the 150-foot tower for about an hour, according to Caddo sheriff's spokeswoman Cindy Chadwick. Shands was wearing a harness as he worked, but it had not been determined whether the equipment malfunctioned or may have been misused, Chadwick said.


Wharton County game warden shot and killed in high speed chase Friday night

PIERCE, TX - Texas Parks and Wildlife Game Warden Justin Hurst, who would have turned 34 today, was shot and killed following a high-speed chase that started on Alternate U.S. Highway 90 Friday night. Capital murder charges are expected to be filed today against a 26-year-old Wharton County man who led the chase. He is under guard at Oak Bend Hospital in Rosenberg where he is being treated for gunshot wounds, according to a news release from the Department of Public Safety. The pursuit started around 11:30 p.m. after a game warden spotted the man between East Bernard and Eagle Lake and suspected him of illegally hunting from the road. When he approached the vehicle, the man fled.


Rock fall kills worker in Washington state mine

METALINE FALLS Wash. -- A 43-year-old Montana man was killed Thursday in a rock fall while working underground in a lead and zinc mine, a mine spokesman said. Phillip Markhart of Red Lodge was killed while doing underground development work in the Pend Oreille Mine north of Metaline Falls, spokesman David W. Godlewski said. The mine was shut down after the accident and federal and state agencies were notified, mine general manager Mark Brown said in a news release.

The underground mine about 10 miles south of the Canadian border reopened in January 2004 after being closed since 1977. The accident was the first fatality since the mine reopened. Markhart was an employee of The Redpath Group, a mine development company that contracts with Teck Cominco American Inc., which is headquartered in Spokane.
Teck Cominco American is a subsidiary of Vancouver, British Columbia-based Teck Cominco Ltd.


WORKER'S DEATH PROBED BY STATE

GLENDALE, CA -- State workplace-safety officials on Thursday investigated the death of a 40-year-old Lancaster carpenter who was run over by a bulldozer at the $324 million Americana at Brand construction site.

Eddie Francisco Montoya was struck about 12:30 p.m. Wednesday at the 15.5-acre site along Brand Boulevard and died at the scene. Work resumed Thursday on the mixed-use shopping center and residential project slated to open next year.

California Department of Occupational Safety and Health investigators spent about three hours at the scene Wednesday. They believe the bulldozer's driver, who was backing up after moving soil, didn't see Montoya, said Dean Fryer, a Cal-OSHA spokesman.
Montoya was an employee of HB Parkco of Costa Mesa, a concrete subcontractor preparing the building's foundations. Inquiries about the incident were referred to the developer, Los Angeles-based Caruso Affiliated.
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink. mil/releases/

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. The soldiers died from wounds suffered Mar. 31 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 14th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y. Killed were:
01. Staff Sgt. Jason R. Arnette, 24, of Amelia, Va. He died April 1 in Baghdad, Iraq.
02. Spc. Wilfred Flores Jr., 20, of Lawton, Okla. He died Mar. 31 in Baghdad, Iraq.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died March 29 in North Kabul, Afghanistan, of injuries suffered during a non-combat related vehicle accident on March 28 in North Kabul. Their deaths are under investigation. Killed were:
03. Sgt. Edmund W. McDonald, 25, of Casco, Maine.
04. Spc. Agustin Gutierrez, 19, of San Jacinto, Calif.
Both soldiers were assigned to the 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

05. Spc. Christopher M. Wilson, 24, of Bangor, Maine, died Mar. 29 in Korengal Outpost, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered from a rocket propelled grenade explosion. Wilson was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y.

06. Sgt. Joe Polo, 24, of Opalocka, Fla., died Mar. 29 in Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using an improvised explosive device and small arms fire. Polo was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

07. 1st Lt. Neale M. Shank, 25, of Fort Wayne, Ind., died Mar. 31 in Baghdad, Iraq, from a non-combat related incident. His death is under investigation.

08. Pfc. Miguel A. Marcial III, 19, of Secaucus, N.J., died April 1 in Al Anbar province, Iraq. His death is currently under investigation.

09. Lance Cpl. Daniel R. Olsen, 20, of Eagan, Minn., died April 2 while conducting combat operations in Al Anbar province, Iraq. Olsen was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 1 in Baghdad, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near their vehicle during combat operations. They were assigned to the 2nd Brigade Special Troops Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division, Fort Drum, N.Y. Killed were:
10. Staff Sgt. David A. Mejias, 26, of San Juan, Puerto Rico.
11. Staff Sgt. Eric R. Vick, 25, of Spring Hope, N.C.
12. Sgt. Robert M. McDowell, 30, of Deer Park, Texas.
13. Spc. William G. Bowling, 24, of Beattyville, Ky.

14. Staff Sgt. Bradley D. King, 28, of Marion, Ind., died April 2 in Al Amiriyah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat operations. King was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 152nd Infantry Regiment, 76th Infantry Brigade, Marion, Ind.

15. Spc. Brian E. Ritzberg, 24, of Long Island, New York, died April 2 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his unit during combat operations in Kirkuk, Iraq. Ritzberg was assigned to the 977th Military Police Company, 97th Military Police Battalion, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kansas.

16. Spc. Curtis R. Spivey, 25, of Chula Vista, Calif., died April 2 in San Diego of wounds suffered when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle during combat operations on Sep. 16, 2006, in Baghdad, Iraq. Spivey was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 10th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Hood, Texas

17. Pfc. Gabriel J. Figueroa, 20, of Baldwin Park, Calif., died April 3 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Figueroa was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

18. Staff Sgt. Shane R. Becker, 35, of Helena, Mont., died April 3 in Baghdad, Iraq, when his unit came in contact with enemy forces using small arms fire. Becker was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 40th Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Fort Richardson, Alaska.

19. Pfc. James J. Coon, 22, of Walnut Creek, Calif., died April 4 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds suffered when in improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. Coon was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 8th Cavalry Regiment, 2nd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

20. Spc Jason A. Shaffer, 28, of Derry, Pa., died April 5 in Baqubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when a vehicle-born improvised explosive device detonated near his Bradley Fighting Vehicle. Shaffer was assigned to 1st Battalion, 12th Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.

http://icasualties.org/oif/default.aspx
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Please remember to pray for the American soldiers stationed everywhere around the globe and especially in Iraq. Times have been and are very tough and it would be nice if you would all just say a prayer for their safety and for their families.
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Scheduled Activities
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Columbia County Amateur Radio Club meets Every second Thursday @ 7:00 p.m. Union Street Station. And YOU'RE invited. Net is every Sunday at 20:30 on 147.105.
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MCC - "Faith Builders" Small group meets the second and fourth Tuesdays, 6:30 pm to 7:45 pm.
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MCC - Mom's Day Out - Every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 to 2.$10 for the first child, $5 for the second. Call 234-3225 for reservations.
~~~
MCC - Nursing Home Ministry - Meadowbrook Every Tuesday from 10 to 11 am. Taylor, the last Thursday each month.
~~~
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in ... and how many want out." - - Tony Blair
"Information is the currency of democracy." - Jefferson
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.

God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
http://www.e-min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E-mail at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the "Blog" version just go to one of the several addresses on the web. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com or http://www.bugsbleat3q06.blogspot.com. Older issues can be found at http://www.bugsbleatfirst.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat1q.blogspot.com, http://www.bugsbleat3q05.blogspot.com, and http://www.bugsbleat4q05.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.
Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
If you'd prefer to read "Da Blog" version, just drop us a note at KC5HII@Magnolia-Net.Com and we'll switch you from e:mail delivery to "Da Bleat" Blog. We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2007 before it was sent.
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